The Gate

I received a message the other day from a friend. She sent the picture above with a little note that said, "Soon you will be driving through these gates in an old van packed full of luggage, to meet your son." This gate is the entrance to the orphanage where our son will be. The message brought me to tears. In this place that looks so cold and lifeless our baby will be waiting. And our God will redeem! That iron gate that looks like a prison will be a gate of hope. Hope for us as a reminder that we have a goal and one day, Lord willing, we will get through that gate and reach our baby boy.

But also hope for him. You see I love the story in the Bible of Joseph. You can read about it in Genesis chapters 37-45. Joseph's brothers were extremely jealous of him. They hated him. And one day they threw Joseph in a well and sold him to some slave traders. They came back to their father and told him that his son had been eaten by a lion. A lot of really awful things happen to Joseph after being sold to Egyptian slave traders. But through it all Joseph served God and remained faithful to Him. He was even falsely accused of rape and thrown into prison. God allowed Joseph to interpret dreams and many years after he had been sold into slavery God allowed Joseph to interpret a dream that the Pharaoh had. The dream meant that the land of Egypt would have 7 years of plenty to be followed with 7 horrible years of famine. The Pharaoh was so impressed with Joseph that he put him in charge of storing up food and ultimately giving out rations during the famine. It was during the famine that Joseph meets his brothers for the first time in almost 20 years. They came to get food from the stores. When they realized they were dealing with their brother that they had treated so harshly they were terrified. Joseph responded to them in this way in Genesis 45:5-7

"And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance."

What Joseph's brothers intended for harm God used for good.

And what Satan intends for evil in the life of our son God can redeem and use for good!

Why Ethiopia?

Many people have asked us why did we choose to adopt from Ethiopia. I never fully answer because if I am honest I never really knew why myself. But today I was writing down some of our journey. I want to remember some things so I can tell them to our boy later but also I want to remember God's faithfulness. And it struck me that we were absolutely lead here. We were lead to Ethiopia in this moment. We were lead to this agency. And we are being lead to our son.

You see I know this because in May of 2010 Todd and I asked a group of family and close friends to pray 3 specific things for us. One of those was that God would lead us to the child he has for our family. We knew he was calling us to adopt but we were not sure if that meant domestic, or international. We prayed and I researched. I researched and called and emailed so many different people. And amazingly hardly anyone responded to me. And the one person I did talk to from one agency seemed very disorganized and I had an awful feeling about it. I would come each night with a different idea to Todd. And one day he said, "you are so swayed every day as to what you want to do." He was right. I was striving and planning and nothing was working right.

One day I had a conversation with a friend about her adoption. She told me about her agency, Wide Horizons and Ethiopia, the country they adopted their little boy from. I came home and shared our conversation with Todd and we began to pray about what was the best decision. After looking into the agency she used we both felt really comfortable and excited about going in this direction.

But the problem was with this agency and this country we needed about $5,000.00 to even begin the process. So we began to pray. We asked God if this was his plan and direction and if it was would he provide the $5,000.00 we needed to begin the process. After a few weeks of praying a friend offered to help us do a garage sale fundraiser. Let me stop here and share that we had not talked with this friend about our adoption since we had given her the request to pray for us in May. But for some reason 5 months later out of the blue she offers to help us do a fundraiser. We did the garage sale. And that garage sale raised $5,200.00.

I was trying to plan and research my way into God's plan. And all the while he had it under control. He was leading us.

So why Ethiopia? Because that is where our son is.

The one about the sweat suit

I am not a fan of this picture. I know everyone probably has pictures of themselves that they do not like. I don't like how I look in this picture. I could dissect it and I will. I could tell you how humid it was that day. You can probably tell. I had gotten up way too early and straightened my hair. It is clearly not straight anymore. I also had a massive head cold that day. And I was really exhausted. So for all the things I really hate about this picture I still love it.





This was day one of our yard sale. I was already sooo tired. We had spent that whole week gathering items. It was a ton of work. Here is what our house looked like.


It was a massive display of the provision of God. I was tired. I was exhausted. But I love the photo because it reminds me of how God so carefully and tenderly orchestrated our every need.

This week has been a little stressful. We are working on all the paperwork for the adoption. It is time consuming and sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all the information I need to gather. We also have decided to put our house up for sale. So in the midst of this craziness I found myself doubting. I found myself doubting that God cares for me. Doubting that he has my every need already cared for and doubting that he cares about the desires of my heart.


I was in such a moment on Monday. I was trying to clean out our bedroom closet. I was folding clothes and came across the sweat suit in the picture above. And I remembered the sweat suit story. I have not shared the story of the sweat suit. And I think it is time I did.


I bought that sweat suit the week of the yard sale. It was laundry day and I was out of clean clothes and we needed detergent. I threw on some really old ugly sweats and a sweat shirt and the kids and I ran into Target to get some detergent and while we were there I saw that sweat suit. I decided to buy it. It was cute and looked comfortable and I knew it would be something easy for me to wear while working all day at the yard sale. So as we are getting ready to leave Target I get a phone call on my cell phone from a lady that says she is from a Gift Shop. She heard about our sale and wanted to donate. She wanted to know if I could meet her at her shop right then. I, of course, said yes. We got into the car and I immediately thought. "I cannot meet her wearing this." And then I remembered the sweatsuit that I had just bought. It was cute and looked nice and I was able to change quickly and get to the store.


It was one of the very many ways that God provided that week. It was a little thing. Something that did not have to matter to the Lord at all. It was not really a necessity. But it mattered to me. And the Lord for some reason cares about what matters to me. And before I even knew that I would need that he provided it.


And honestly I can remember so many times in my life when he provided exactly what I needed at exactly the moment I needed it.


So while in the moment I could choose to worry about every detail. I could choose to worry about how our house will sell or how we will be able to move and get settled before our baby arrives. I could worry about how we will pay for all of the adoption fees. I could worry about all of that. But I am choosing not to. I am choosing instead to cling to the word of God. I am choosing to seek the kingdom of heaven and allow God to work out the details. He is a far better God and orchestrator of plans than I am anyway.




Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Do you see Him?

Matthew 25:44-45

"Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you? He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' " (NIV)

My Body

I am having one of those I hate my body moments. For about three weeks I have been struggling with some intense pain from a cyst on my ovary. It has actually subsided a bit now, but for those three weeks I barely had energy or desire to get up and did very little in the way of working out or doing my hair or putting on makeup. So today, I decided to get a little pretty. The girls and I were having lunch with Todd. He was meeting us from work. I took a shower and was attempting to do my hair and get dressed up a little. But my stomach is a little bloated (another symptom of the cyst and probably not working out in three weeks) and my hair was refusing to do anything other than sit in a pony-tail. (I mean really it has not done anything else for three weeks, why change things now?) I was getting super frustrated and lamenting over all the things wrong with my body. But I got dressed and did my makeup and threw my hair up and we went to lunch anyway.

We had lunch and I came home and on a friends facebook she had posted an article. The article was from a womans perspective giving glory to God for the body she had been given. So inspired I decided to write the following:

I praise you Lord for giving me two strong arms. One arm strong enough to carry my toddler through the ice and snow while the other gently guides my preschooler so she does not fall. Arms that carry baskets of laundry down flights of stairs. My arms do not look like a supermodels. They are not as toned as I would like. But they serve my family. Thank you Lord for giving me my arms.

I praise you Lord for my legs. They are strong enough to run through the snow with my kids and chase them through the house for a tickle fight. They carry me whever I need to go. They too are not perfect and many times I have lamented over the shape and dimples. But they are strong and they allow me to do what I need. Thank you Lord for giving me my legs.

I praise you Lord for my stomach. It has carried two of my children and has grown and shrunk as needed. It allows me to eat and sustains me. I think this is my most lamented body part. It is so far from the worlds idea of perfection. It has far too many stretch marks and not enough muscle. But both of my children wrap their legs around it when I scoop them up for a cuddle and when they are sick and want to rest on the couch it makes a nice pillow. My stomach is what my husband wraps his strong arms around and what he holds when we cuddle close at night. I praise you Lord for making my stomach.

I praise you Lord for my mind. It allows me to gain wisdom and grow. It allows me to think through disciplining my children and sort through my to dos. I sometimes feel as though it betrays me when I cannot concentrate or when I forget something very important. But it allows me to learn and change. I praise you Lord for making my mind.

I praise you Lord for my hair. It sometimes drives me insane. But I am blessed to have hair. And I am blessed by knowing that you know the number of them on my head. And even the grey ones are all counted by you. Some do not have hair and I am thankful and praise you Lord for my hair.

I praise you Lord that you created me. I praise you that you made me fearfully and wonderfully. I am thankful that I am allowed to be your temple. I am so undeserving. But for some reason you choose to dwell in me. Thank you. Thank you for creating me and reminding me that I am yours.

Bedroom Humor

So at 5:00 this morning Todd's alarm started ringing. I was half awake because I had just gotten up with a child with a tummy ache. I had just settled in and was nice and warm on the edge of sleep when I heard the ring (Well, vibration so as not to wake the kids) of his phone alarm.

It rang and he quickly turned it off. I sank back into to my sleep and five minutes later heard the ring again. The third time it happened I shook him and the following interchange occurred.

Me: "Do you need to be up at 5:00 am or can we shut that thing off?"

Todd: "I really don't need to be up until 6."

Me: "If your alarm continues to go off until 6 I will strangle you."

Todd: "Ok"

He then crawls out of our warm bed at 5:15 and goes out into the cold.

I have an awesome husband. Every single morning he gets up before the rest of us and braves the cold, rain, or whatever is going on outside to go to work. He works hard and never complains. He does hard labor on most days and alot of days he works in freezing cold. Isn't he great?

And despite my threats to strangle him I really do love him. Just not if he wakes me up.

Thanks babe for working so hard and taking care of us. You are a good man!

Remember

We listen to kiddie songs a lot. My kids love the fun rockin music and I have to admit I kind of like it too. We have Phil Joels solo kids project. It is really awesome. It is filled with a ton of scripture and the music is super fun. One of the songs is titled "Don't forget to remember". Tonight I want to remember.

We put up our Christmas tree this evening. It was filled with so much joy and laughter and memories. Each ornament has a special meaning and holds memories. Its fun to share with the kids.

We finished the tree trimming and were doing other decorating. And it was getting late and the kids were having a snack. I remembered that we had chosen to set aside a set of ornaments that were gifted to us for the yard sale. They were three collectible Thomas Kincaide ornaments. They each have a Bible verse on them. I remembered the ornaments and quickly set about finding them. They were not with our other Christmas decor. I quickly found them and because the kids were eating their snack I had a moment alone to put them up. I put each on the tree and read the verses.

My heart was filled with joy as I remembered. We prayed to God for what we needed for the adoption and He answered. He gave us exactly what we needed in that moment. Those ornaments were like my memorial. It was my reminder. My God is big. I thanked Him. I praised Him and I remembered who He is.

It is really easy to kind of get discouraged right now. We are so busy and bogged down in the details of the adoption. There is so much paperwork and so much preparation. And I cannot imagine actually holding my little baby. It feels so far away. We are being told it could take up to two years. Honestly my heart aches when I think that. I do not want to wait for two years to hold him.

But then God gives me a reminder. My ornaments that are so clearly a picture of how God miraculously provided exactly what we need. He is still orchestrating the details. And I can trust Him.