Good Friday

Today I am incredibly thankful as I remember the death of my saviour. Jesus came and sacrificed his body and blood, so that we may have eternal life. I am in desperate need of his salvation today and every day. I am glad that Good Friday is not the end of the story. We have a saviour who not only died on Friday, but walked out of the tomb alive on Sunday. That is the part of the story that makes it good. We have been talking with Elizabeth about the reason we celebrate Easter. She only gets it to a point, but she is so cute when we get to the part of the story where Mary gets to the empty tomb and Jesus is alive. Elizabeth declares, "Not crying anymore." Mary was no longer crying because her friend, her saviour, her Lord was dead. She was now rejoicing because the King, the saviour, was now her risen Lord. His death was the gift to us, but the fact that he was alive again and is alive today is the proof, to a world in need, that he was unlike any "saviours" who came before him or any who followed him. Buddha, Muhammad, Cesar, they all still lay in tombs or in graves. Lifeless and powerless. Jesus is Alive and still on the throne! I am thankful that we serve a Risen Lord!

In the market for a wife

So, I decided I need a wife. No I am not turning into a lesbian. I just need someone to grocery shop, cook, clean and do laundry. A wife will do.

So, these past few weeks have been soooo hard. Why? Not sure. Just know it has been hard. I feel like I do not have enough time, strength, sleep, money, arms to get everything done. Lizzie has been especially needy lately. I know she is growing and is trying to figure stuff out. She on one hand has been doing extremely well with potty training, but on the other hand has just started asking us to feed her from a baby bottle. I know she is clinging to the last bit of her babyhood probably because she is feeling insecure and how do I handle that. Like a two year old of course. The other day I was trying desperately to get out the door. And trying to do Lizzie's hair. She kept poking me with this little cookie monster barrette. After the 15th time of asking her to stop doing that, I took the thing and chucked it across the room. Which of course sent both us into tears. I stopped and held her and through tears apologized. I know that was not how I should react. I know there was a better way and it seriously was not the example I want to set for her. I know all of this, but I am feeling overwhelmed. Saturday morning I was trying to fold a basket of clothes and Lizzie desperately wanted my attention. She was doing everything to get it and I just wanted to finish folding the clothes. She kept jumping on me and finally I took her and buckled her into Claire's infant chair. This made her laugh at first because it is very out of place, but by the end she was crying to get out. I really just wanted to finish folding the laundry. When I was done, I took her out and we did some stuff together. That always helps, but how can I do that and the million other things I need to do without having to lock her in an infant chair?
How do I spend any time with my infant who is growing up so fast? I know things will work out and I know they will get better. I just feel like such a failure some days. I am doing the best I can and yet the house is wreck, I haven't showered, I have three baskets of clean laundry that have been sitting upstairs for days and dirty laundry piling up, my bathrooms have not been cleaned in (well I don't remember the last time), and I have no idea what I am making for dinner and it is 5:00. A couple of weeks ago in church one of the pastors talked about when Jesus fed the 5,000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish. The disciples came to Jesus and asked him to send away the people so they could find food. Jesus said they should feed them. Their reply was, "we cannot do it, we don't have what it takes." They found 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish and brought them to Jesus. I am sure they were thinking there is no way we can feed these people. This is all we have. Jesus took the 5 loaves and 2 fish and fed the multitudes. And there were 12 baskets of leftovers. I want so desperately to lead a successful life. Success to me means my children grow up to be lovers of God and lovers of people. Success to me means I love, honor, respect and encourage my husband. Success to me means I encourage and love those around me. But I know that in comparison all I have is 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. Jesus please multiply my lack. I know that I can never do enough. I am not good enough. I am not strong enough. Jesus, I need your strength. I need your forgiveness for my shortcomings, for the times I do not love those around me, for the times I fail my children, my husband, my family, my friends. For the times I fail you. All I have is 5 loaves and 2 fish. Please make it enough.

Big Girl Bed

Wednesday night Lizzie slept in a big girl bed for the very first time. I was very sentimental, of course. We went to target and let her pick out her own big girl blanket and of course she picked out princesses. There were pretty much two choices: flowers or princesses. Lizzie told me before we even went to the store that she was going to pick one with Cinderella on it. We picked out the blanket, came home and Lizzie could not wait to put her blanket on her new bed. (Which was really her crib with a convertible front.) She was so excited and could not wait for bed time. I threatened to swiftly take away her new princess blanket if she even thought of getting out of bed before morning. (Call me crazy, but sleep is a very precious commodity around our house.) She crawled in her bed and settled in for the night. Daddy took this opportunity to start over with the stuffed animals. It had gotten a little out of hand. On a normal night she had three stuffed care bears, two teddy bears, a polar bear and a stuffed duck and on any given night a new one could be added. So daddy said to pick one. She did and was so excited. She went to bed and a little while later I went in to check on her. She normally takes her jammies off while in bed. I usually put them back on and cover her up. I was doing just that when she woke up. I said"it's ok hunny, go back to sleep mommy is just putting your jammies back on." She looked at me and with the most wonderful smile she whispered, "I sleep in big girl bed." It was priceless. And she did stay in bed all night! Thank God for princess blankets! And I am pretty sure she thinks some invisible force field exists around her bed because last night a stuffed animal fell out and she cried until we came in and picked it up for her. At this point I am ok with the invisible force field because I am sure it will not last long.

Favorite things

Some random favorite things. Not in this order.

1. Not quite so wonderful, but definitely funny: Lizzie is obsessed with picking at her nails. The other day she was picking at a nail and few minutes later said "go, mommy." I took it from her and realized it was not a nail at all, but a booger. Why didn't I look?

2. When you hear a two year old saying, "messy, messy" and laughing while they are supposed to be eating a snack you can bet there is trouble.

3. Claire slept until 7:15 this morning. She only woke up briefly at midnight. Todd went in her room and gave her a pacy. He walked out to make a bottle. By the time he came back in she was fast asleep.

4. Lizzie looked at me and said "mommy's, hair crazy.' This was right before bed, but my hair had been the same all day.

5. I had a dinner with a very good friend that I just don't see as often as I should.

Russian for reset

Something to make you laugh:
Ok so last night while flipping through channels Todd and I came across a hilarious thing. The Secretary of state: Hillary Clinton met with some big Russian official and brought him a present. She brought a red button that was supposed to say Reset in Russian. When she handed it to the man he informed her it actually said "Overcharge." I thought it was so funny. Does the secretary of State not have someone on her team who can google the russian word for reset. Seriously. Our tax money hard at work.

Grief and Life

Last night Todd and I were watching something on the news and it brought me back to a point in time of absolute grief. Have you ever those moments? Moments where you are feeling those feelings so real it is as if it is happening again. I was 6 or 7 weeks pregnant for the first time and Todd was in Georgia with some guys from church for a conference. I was having lunch with my mom and dad and went to use the restroom. I was spotting. I was not worried at the moment. After all people sometimes spot with pregnancies. I called my Ob and she said to come in. I was completely expecting her to tell me everything was fine. My mom drove me to the appointment and the Ob ordered an ultrasound. She said we should be able to see the baby by now and I wnet in. I progressively got worse for the next hour. The baby could not be seen. The Ob ordered a test of my hormone levels to see how they were growing, but we would not know anything for three days. I was completely hysterical as I called Todd to tell him the news. All I could manage to get out in between sobs was They... can't... see... the... baby. He could not understand anything I was saying so my mom took the phone and explained. The next three days were some of the worst of my life. I waited and cried and Todd was so far away and I could not do anything, but lay on the couch. I was ordered to have bedrest. Thankfully enough when the test came back the baby was fine and that baby is my Elizabeth. This memory got me thinking about how strange it is to me that some people do not consider a baby living inside it's mother's womb a living thing. When I was wondering if I lost her, I was not mourning the loss of potential life. I was mourning my baby. I wanted my baby to be ok. When I think of the direction our country is headed I am very sad. We are becoming more and more cavalier with the lives of our unborn. These are my thoughts about the many arguments I have heard for abortion.

"I personally am against it, but I think it should be a personal choice."
Why in that case does only one of three parties get a choice? The father of that baby has no choice. The baby has no choice. Only the mother. And why, do we allow something we consider morally wrong to be placed on the shoulders of a woman who is in a very tough situation. When a woman finds out she is pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy she is probably mentally, physically, and emotionally unprepared to face that the decision at hand. Do we place the decision to murder in the hands of someone who is angry? No we have laws in place to protect innocent people.

"If abortion is illegal, people will sill get abortions and they will be unsafe."
Again, do we allow something we consider morally wrong to happen simply to protect the safety of one life over another?

"What about rape or incest? That poor girl has been through enough, why put her through a pregnancy?"
I have so much compassion and feel so hurt by the sick people in this world who could do such things, but just because she has suffered from a dispicable sin are we justified in ending a life? Do you think for one second if she has an abortion that will erase the pain of what she has been through? And does a life become less of a life or heart become less of a heart beat because it was born of sin. No. And will that girl be healed by an abortion. No. Only Jesus can heal. And wounds that deep require love to cover them.

"What if the baby will be born into horrible circumstances- Young unwed mother, poverty, abuse?"
We would not kill a two day old baby who was living in poverty. We would take that baby and care for it. A baby born into dire cicumstances still deserves a chance to live and a chance to be care for well. Adoption is an option. There are so many loving families who cannot have children of their own.

"I could not give my own child away to someone else." (Adoption)
You cannot suffer the pain of losing your child to someone who will better care for them, so it is better to still their beating heart and not have to suffer the loss. Every woman I have ever personally spoken to who has had an abortion had said they suffered that loss tremendously and still do to this day.

This may seem very harsh as if I did not care for women. I do, but I am deeply troubled by an industry that claims to fight for women's reproductive rights and tramples on the rights of every one who is not a woman or childbearing age. I am also very troubled by the cover up that happens when a woman has an abortion. She is not cared for after the abortion. The years of trouble she has in her heart after the abortion are not talked about. The pain and suffering she experiences are said to be something only a small portion of women experience. The statistics do not back up those claims.

I am angry at the abortion industry. I am angry at politicians, but I am not angry at those individuals who may have had an abortion. I have been very close to women who have made that choice. Every one has regretted it. Every one has felt deep sorrow over what they have done. I do not judge a woman who may have had an abortion. I do not hate them or look at them with disgust. If you or someone you know has had an abortion there is hope and healing in Jesus Christ. He will heal and forgive you if you turn to him. I am passionate for the rights of unborn babies and passionate for those women who have been lied to and decieved by an idustry that is only looking out for itself. No, I do not believe that every doctor, nurse, or planned parent hood worker who helps perform abortions is a money hungry monster. I know that many genuinely believe that what they are doing is helpful. I just wish this lie would come to the light and those babies and women could be saved.

Best Friends

So we took a family trip to the grocery store this evening and Lizzie was in my cart. Claire was in daddy's Lizzie is a chatter box and talks non-stop from morning till night so I honestly blank out on half of what she says. I usually am pretty keen at sensing what things I should listen to right now. Usually anything in a shrieking voice, like "that's mine" or "no". And anything to do with poop or throw up.
Although in a side note totally unrelated to my current post, a few weeks ago we were at my parents eating dinner and Lizzie went to about 3 adults saying, "I Shrew up." I missed it the first three times and finally said, "What, you threw up." And sure enough she did on the couch.

Anyway I usually pick up on the important stuff and the other stuff I nod and say uh, huh. But while we were in the cleaning aisle she started rambling about a spray bottle.

Liz: Mommy has a spray bottle, I have a spray bottle. My best friend.

Mommy: Who is your best friend?

Liz: Mommy.

Mommy: (Floating on cloud nine and making sure daddy heard) Did you hear that?

Daddy: Yes.

I repeated the entire thing in sequence only because I was so elated.

Daddy: Yes, I said I heard.

Liz: And Daddy is my best friend... and Claire... and Jesus.

So sweet and yes most of the rambling is worth listening to.