Perspective

Since my last post I have gained some perspective. My feelings from Monday were brought on mostly by the fact that I was trying to clean out my bedroom closet. Todd is painting in our bedroom this weekend and I was trying to clear the space. After dealing with kids and stuff and craziness that morning I was left feeling discontent. When the kids went to sleep on Monday night, Todd and I finished cleaning up our bedroom and after 4 bags of stuff to donate and 1 bag filled with stuff to throw away I am feeling much better.

I am humbled when I realize that so many people have so little and I have so much. I am thankful for a house that is warm, food to eat, and family. God has a way of gently reminding me how much we have when my heart starts to wander. My house is not perfect. I still feel like I would like more space. But today I am choosing to be happy with the space I have.

Genuine

So to be very honest and real this moment... I am praying for a more thankful and grateful heart. But I admit I just feel very discontented. Maybe venting it will help a bit. My desire is not to sound like we have nothing. Our family is very blessed. We have good jobs and live well. Our children have everything they need and more and we have food in our cupboards. We are blessed.

I am feeling unhappy about our house. We live in a nice house. My husband is very handy and has fixed up every room of it. I just wish we had more space. My kids have separate rooms, but they are tiny. We have a spacious living room and kitchen, but the kids play area has overtaken them and I feel like I cannot breathe sometimes. It is easier in the summer. In the summer we spend hours outdoors. We have an acre of land and it is pretty secluded, so we have lots of space to run. But now it is winter. Well, fall, but Michigan pretty much skips fall and goes straight for cold. We are stuck inside a lot and I feel like the four walls are closing in. Selling our house would be an option if we could sell it for a third of what we owe. The housing market has taken a huge crash in our area and the house behind us sold for somewhere around $30,000.

This house is beautiful and when it was just my husband and I it was perfect. With one child it was livable, but now with two kids I feel like I am suffocating.

Praying for a miracle and praying for a more content heart until then.

Funeral

Todd's uncle passed away this week. Death is sad. My heart broke while we were at the funeral home. My heart broke for his wife. This beautiful woman who has spent the majority of her life with this man. Making a life, creating children, growing old. She now has to wake up to a world without him. My heart broke as I walked by the casket and saw a teddy bear with the words "Papa Norms" on it. My heart breaks for his grandchildren who now know what it means to have lost someone they adore. My heart breaks for those things because those hit close to home. I have thought about how it may feel if I lost my husband. The mere thought is excruciating. I cannot imagine what the reality is like. I have thought about watching my own children lose someone they love. A few months back, when we thought my own dad was having a heart attack, I wondered how in the world I would tell my babies that they lost their papa. Death is painful. Death is final. As Christians we have hope. We know that if we believe in Jesus and trust in him for our salvation we will live again. We have hope that this is not the end. There is a future after we have died. We can see our loved ones again in eternity. But the here and now is where we live. We still have to wake up each morning and face life without those we miss.

While I was talking with one of Uncle Norms daughters in law, she told me that this summer was amazing. He spent the summer with her and her husband and children. She said they made memories and she believes if he would have known it was his last days, he would have spent them the exact same way. That is a life that is well lived. I only hope I can live each day like that. Because in all actuality none of us knows when our last days will come. We need to love our family. We need to say the things we have left unsaid. We need to seek forgiveness and offer forgiveness. I hope that when my days have ended someone will be able to say that they believe I would not have done anything different. And I hope to hear those words from Jesus, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Real Life Diva

I have my own diva. She is about 3 feet tall and 2.5 years old. Elizabeth has now become a true fashionista. We struggle daily with what she will wear. I pick out something and she always wants to wear a dress. Even today when it was 60 degrees outside she wanted to wear a dress up spaghetti strap dress and only the dress. We compromised. While we were in the house she wore the dress. When we went outside she wore the dress over jeans and a t-shirt. It remotely satisfied her. I know I cannot let her rule the world, but I am trying to carefully choose my battles. In the end I kind of think its cute. My little girl wants nothing more than to be pretty and girly. These are all things I wished for once upon a time. I just thought I would have a little more control over it! :)

More wedding pics

Love Story Part 6 (Baby just say yes)

It was Sunday, August 24th 2003. I went to church that morning with a bit of an anxious heart. The week before was filled with conflicting things. Todd and I celebrated our first anniversary of dating on Friday. We were becoming so close and I really was hoping he was going to propose soon. I told my mom that I thought this was going to be the week. My brother convinced me it was not possible for it to be this week. And my parents decided to take a weekend vacation. I was conflicted. Todd was acting strange this whole week. He had been working on some video all week that was supposed to be for church on Sunday morning. He would not give me any details about it. That was odd. I was conflicted. I wanted this to be the week. I wanted him to propose, but why would he do it with my parents gone? Why would he not allow me to see this new video? Did it have to do with him proposing? But he was acting strange. He was way too concerned about Sunday morning. He even wanted to know what I was wearing and where I was sitting. Why does that matter?

Sunday morning I arrived at church and instantly I was sure that he would propose today. My grandmother, aunt, parents and his parents and brother were all at church. That would not be odd except most of those people did not even go to church with us. I was wondering when it would happen. I am sure I did not hear one word of the sermon that day. My mind wandered and I sat anxiously hoping I was right.

At the end of the service a video was introduced that would highlight a new series the church was moving into next month. When the video began Wally, our youth pastor, came on the screen and said "Hey there Metro I just wanted to let you know we are beginning a new series on the book of James." As he said this across the screen flashed "Psalm 33:20-22" Wally stopped and as if he could see it said, "No that is all wrong. We are talking about the book of James." Then Wally started to tell us when the series would begin. As he did across the screen flashed "August 22".
"No, this is all wrong." Wally said. "We need to start this over." Then the video flashed to Todd. And he said, "The video is not wrong, but this is not about Metro. This video is about you and me and I have something really important I need to ask you, so I am going to go to me live." The lights went out in the auditorium and a spotlight came on me. Todd was standing in the aisle next to me with a rose in his hand. He got down on one knee and said, "God brought us together and in his house I want to ask if you will be my wife." That day, in front of 268 people, I said yes. On that day, only he heard me. That was all that mattered.

9 months later on May 7th, 2004 I became his wife and he became my husband. These five years have been filled with so many joys and some trials. Marriage is hard and at times it is exhausting. But I am married to a man whose heart is surrendered to Jesus Christ and who leads our family closer to God. I am married to a man who seeks to meet my needs and cares for me lovingly. He is a man who protects and encourages me. He is a wonderful provider and an excellent father. I know he is committed to me and our family. I have learned through these five years that the person you marry really is the second most important decision you will make. Second only to the decision you make to follow Jesus. Married life is difficult, but I can not imagine how hard it would be if we did not share a love and commitment to Jesus. I am grateful that God lead me to this man and I am thankful that I allowed him to do so.

Catch my breath

I am not writing my love story right now because it requires too much thought. Have you ever had those days where you feel like you never stop moving, but nothing gets done? We came home from a wonderful vacation and since then things have not stopped spinning.

Saturday we had a birthday party. Saturday night we were up half the night with the baby. Sunday we stayed home from church because of the all nighter. Sunday night we were up half the night with the baby. Monday morning I was supposed to attend a MOPS planning meeting. I could not attend because baby needed to go to pediatrician. I made the appointment. We went to appointment. Baby has ear infection. Monday night baby slept mostly through night! Yeah! Tuesday took baby to checkup for acid reflux. Tuesday afternoon I went to work. Tuesday night both kids are awake after being asleep almost an hour. They are now eating a late snack. In the meantime we have been living out of suitcases because I have not unpacked anything. My house is a wreck and I am tired.

I need a vacation. ;)