Friday, October 29, 2010

Lead Me

The following are lyrics to a song.

Sanctus Real- Lead Me

I look around and see my wonderful life

Almost perfect from the outside

In picture frames I see my beautiful wife

Always smiling

But on the inside, I can hear her saying

"Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, what about us?"

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone.

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes

They're just children from the outside

I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine

They're independent

But on the inside, I can hear them

"Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, what about us?"

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone."

So Father, give me the strength

To be everything I am called to be

Oh, Father, show me the way

To lead them

Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands

To stand up when they can't

Don't want to leave them hungry for love

Chasing dreams that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight

And give them the best of my life

So we can call this out home

Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

When I hear that song it makes me cry. I cry because I see so many families broken. I see so many men who are too busy chasing their own desires and their own dreams to see that their families are hurting and need them. I see men who would rather spend their nights drinking and partying than home with wives who are desperate for them. I see men who are so busy building their careers that they never make time to spend with their kids. I cry.

But I have hope. There are some men who are crying out to lead.

I have one. I have a man who works 9-10 hour days but comes home in time for dinner. I can tell from the look in his eyes that the one thing he would love would be a hot shower and to sit on the couch and do nothing. But he comes home and gets on the floor and plays with our babies. He builds blocks or becomes a human trampoline. He doesn't always want to. But he does it. He puts aside his own desires and does what we need. My man dreams big dreams. He has goals and desires. But he always surrenders his plans to what God wants for our family. He does not forge ahead like he is the only one. He leads us. He is so eager to follow the voice of God. And many times it means the things he loves get put a little on the back burner. I am proud to be lead by Him. I am thankful that he cares enough to do it.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Adoption Update

So many people have been asking us about how the adoption is going. I have been telling some and giving the short version to most, but here is where we are.

We have started our home study and I am hoping it will be complete sometime in December. Now because it is Christmas time realistically thinking it will probably be somewhere in January. I was super nervous about beginning the home study process. I dissected myself and questioned and worried. We finally met our social worker and right away I felt peace. She is the sweetest lady and helped put our fears at ease. She seemed so genuine and so willing to work with our family towards what God wants.

We have begun the process of filling out paperwork with our agency. The agency that will be placing the baby is separate from our home study agency. There is an overwhelming amount of things we need to fill out and paperwork we need to gather. There is nothing private when you are applying to adopt. Everything in your life is open to questioning. It can feel a bit overwhelming and I have to trust that God will help us get everything done in the right timing.

There are so many things that I am learning during this process. I will eventually share many of them. Some I may keep private. But one thing I am learning more and more is that I need to do what God says.

Phillipians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

More and more I have questions and more I more I have doubts and fears. This is all a new process to us. And as with any new thing in life we can be afraid at times. But I know what I know. I know God lead us here. And I know he will provide. And of that I am certain.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Life Interupted

So I was making dinner this evening and running around doing five thousand other things when a little two year old voice interupted my thinking. From the couch she said, "Mommy, can you sit next to me?" I almost told her the truth. I almost said that I had so many things to do and needed to hurry and prepare dinner so we can eat before our company arrives. I almost explained how the dishes still needed to be cleaned and put away. I almost did. But the cuteness of the little voice made me say, "Yes."

So I sat next to her. We sat for less than five minutes. I "read" two books. I say "read" because my two year old does not really sit still long enough to read many books. So we looked at pictures. And then I kissed her and then I finished my five thousand things.

It was really simple. But it was a sweet moment.

I pray that I will always make time to sit next to her. She won't remember the meal we had, or the that the dishes were clean. She will remember if mom was always too busy to be with her. I am sad that my life is interupted by dishes and meals.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Random thought

So I was thinking why is it that as moms whenever we say we need a break or are feeling worn out we qualify it by saying, "I love my kids, but"? Can't we just assume that everyone knows we love our kids. Unless I see you grossly neglecting your kids, I assume you are pretty crazy about them. Why do I think that the moment I utter the words, "I am tired, or I need a break" someone will think I am a bad mom? Can we just be free to admit the truth sometimes without feeling like we will be judged? Because the reality is if you are being a good mom you will get tired. If you are a good mom you cook, clean, shuttle, dress, bathe, cook, clean, shuttle, cuddle, read to, discipline, read to, hug, kiss, cook, clean, hug, kiss, play with, read to, hug, kiss and bed children all day long. If you are human and a good mom you will naturally get tired. So I am going to try and stop qualifying my statements and just let them stand. I think you can assume I love my kids right?

By the way. I could really use like 4 hours where no one touches, talks to, looks at or needs me.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I have written something like this before. I actually stole the idea from a blogger friend. But while I was going into the basement to wash a load of laundry (same load for the second time) I had a little sigh at the vast amount of dirty clothes that were waiting to be washed. And then I stopped and said thanks. So here goes.

1. I am thankful for the mounds of dirty clothes because it means my family has clothing and can stay warm.

2. I am thankful for the dirty dishes in the sink because it means my family has eaten.

3. I am thankful for the toys that are scattered throughout the house because it means I am blessed with children who are healthy enough to run into every corner.

4. I am thankful that we are waiting for our son because it means we have time and will meet him one day.

5. I am thankful that I have a messy home because it means I have a home.

6. I am thankful that I miss my very best friend because it means I am blessed to have a friend.

7. I am thankful that I have to end this blog because I have a little girl who is asking for help because it means I have been blessed to care for this little girl.

What are you thankful for today?