Wednesday, September 22, 2010


My soul is restless. Now that we have the money to begin the adoption I just want to have him home. I have bittersweet feelings. My best friend is pregnant and while talking the other day she and Heather figure out that our baby and hers will probably be pretty close in age. This made me smile and made me sad. I smile because it will be fun to share a child of the same age with her again. My three year old is only a few months younger than her child. And it will be neat to watch them play together. But I was also sad. Sad because I thought about the ramifications. My best friend is enjoying her pregnancy and growing this baby. Somewhere in a country far away a woman is pregnant. She is carrying a child. She is probably filled with joy and anxiousness and all the other feelings a pregnant momma has. But she will not get to be his momma. She will not get to see him take his first steps or say his first word. She will not teach him to read or write or hold him close when he wakes with a bad dream. And although I will never meet her or speak with her our hearts are knit together. She and I will share a love for a little baby boy. A love that only her and I will ever understand. And somehow I wish it did not have to be this way. But I will be so grateful and so happy to be his mommy. And I will never forget the feelings that I have when thinking about her loss and the loss that our little boy will suffer. It is heartbreaking. So my soul continues to be restless. Restless and hurting and longing for the day when I can finally see his face and hold him in my arms. My only comfort comes in knowing that long ago God prepared us to be his family. He prepared us to be there when she could not. And I find my only peace in knowing this is what he has planned for our family.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Garage Sale

The garage sale is over. We made over $5,000.00 and I learned a few things in this process. Some things I already knew, but was reminded of once more. Here they are:

1. God is incredibly faithful!

We asked God to provide us with $5,000.00. We prayed and waited and did not try to manipulate the situation. And He provided. Not only did He provide the money we needed but everything surrounding the whole sale was orchestrated perfectly. Each day we recieved phone calls or emails from people donating stuff. It was never more than we could handle in a single day. It was always at perfect timing. He orchestrated every detail!

2. We have an incredible support group!

Thursday evening about 10 people came to our house to help set up and get this thing organized. I did not ask anyone. People simply found out what we were doing and asked when they could come over. Friday morning 9 people showed up to help. My parents, Todds mom, Todds and dad and stepmom, my brother and his fiance, my best friend, and our dear friend Kathy. My brothers fiance spent the entire day tirelessly watching our kids. There was not one moment the entire day that people were not there shopping. I had no time to even sit and definitely could not have watched the kids on my own. My mom cleaned my kitchen like a dozen times in the three days. People were running here and there and offering to help in anyway they could. My dad went to buy lunch for everyone because when I planned lunch I was only planning for a couple people. My brother was a champion at organizing. I never even realized he was so good at sorting kids clothing! But he brought order and made the sale much smoother. Todds mom worked tirelessly both days and did anything we needed. She even took the dog for a walk one day because the dog was causing chaos. Todds dad and stepmom worked early and late and on Saturday took our kids away for a fun date. They were so sick of the yard sale! My dear friend Kathy did anything needed including taking a table to a strangers house because it would not fit in the car. My best friend showed up early and stayed late even though she is pregnant and had to work each day. Todds brother and sister inlaw came and carried boxes and sorted clothing and helped us get prepped. This is only the people who helped at the sale. So many friends and family donated stuff and money! I was moved to tears like 100 times in that week. We are so blessed and could never repay any of you for your generosity and sacrifice! We love you.

3. Adoption is so beautiful!

Throughout the sale I heard story after story of families who came to shop who had either adopted children of their own or were adopted as children. Adoption is such a beautiful thing and the stories I heard are treasured in my heart. One woman came to shop with two teenage boys. After talking with her she explained that she had adopted the two boys when they were toddlers. After the family left, the two teenage boys came back and donated a tv and computer and a few other items for us to sell. They were touched by our need and gave to us from hearts of thankfulness.

Thank you Lord for providing! And thank-you to everyone who gave stuff, money or time! We are so grateful for your support!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

All to Him I owe

"I hear the Savior say, Thy strength indeed is small; Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in Me thine all in all.”

I was listening to those lyrics at church this morning and it struck a cord in my heart. I have struggled and sought and have been trying to make it to the right path. I have tried to manipulate and make things happen on my own. But it was not until I said, "I don't know what to do or how this will work" that God made it happen.

My strength indeed is small. My resources are small. My willingness is small. But God is big. My God is big.

Todd and I made the decision to begin our adoption process and then we decided to wait until we had the $5,000.00 needed for the home study and agency fees. We bgan to pray that God would bring $5,000.00 our way. And we waited. About a month ago, I was pretty sad. I felt like we had heard from God. I felt like this is what He wanted, but the money was not much closer. We were saving, but I knew that we needed something other than ourselves to make this adoption happen. The whole process will cost somewhere around $20,000. So I prayed. One night sad and frustrated from the depths of my heart, I cried. "God, I thought this is what you wanted. I thought you would provide this money. But its not here." I told no one of my frustrations. Not even my husband. The very next day my dear friend Kathy told Todd she wanted to do a garage sale for us to raise money. We had not even told her we had decided to do the adoption for sure. God answered, "Child of weakness, watch and pray, find in me thine all in all." And I have been utterly blown away by the generosity and support we are recieving. I know that this is nothing short of the hand of God. I can never repay this debt. I can never earn it.

I am utterly thankful. From the depths of my heart. My resources are small. But my God is big. My faith is small. But my God is big. My heart is weak. But my God is big. He has paid it all. All to Him I owe.

The chorus of the song goes like this, "Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe; Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow."

Thank you Lord. Thank you for paying the penalty for my sin. And that alone would have been enough, but you continue to meet my needs and fulfill me. You continue to lead me and provide. Thank you for being a big God.

I just read a post on a blog from a family who has adopted 5 children. It is heart wrenching, and you should read it for yourself, But the part that made me smile was this: "While we wait for God to provide...He waits for us to take the first step so He can."

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Updates And Adoption

It has been almost a month since my last post. Crazy how quickly time flies. I have not been posting for a few reasons.

1. We had Claire's birthday party. And as much as I try to keep things simple I tend to be a perfectionist and stress about the tiniest little details. And because I absolutely love baking, I try to always make my kids some really fun birthday cake. Claire's cake was totally fun, but it probably took some years off my life with the amount of time that I spent stressing over it. It turned out great, but it was time consuming.
And I think I tend to worry too much about what my house looks like and how clean something is, so I spent a lot of time in the weeks prior deep cleaning everything.

(On a side note totally random thought, one of my dearest friends came over to watch the kiddos for me so I could suprise Todd with a random afternoon date and I totally stressed about my house being clean. Well, I ran all around that afternoon trying to clean up the morning madness and in my haste threw all the morning dirty clothes down the basement steps. The basement looked horrid, but I reasoned that there was no reason for her to see it, so I need not worry about it. Our basement is not finished and I avoid it at all costs. Now, it just so happened that on that afternoon a tornado hit our area and when we came home guess where my lovely friend and our kiddos were? The basement. I was totally humbled and she had to laugh and tell me she was totally thinking how my house could be so perfect and then she saw the basement and it evened out. Gotta love those moments.)

2. We had a great week long vacation. It was totally rejuvenating and so wonderful. We visited some great friends and spent a lot of family time. More too come about our trip later.

3. We all experienced a yucky midsummer flu bug. And some of us got it more than once. It was not pretty and not fun. No more details needed.

4. We have decided we are adopting.
We have thrown the idea around for some time, but after praying and talking Todd and I have decided to move in that direction. We are only in the beginning stages, but most likely we will be adopting from Ethiopia. One of my dearest friends, Kathy, offered to help us do a garage sale to raise funds for the adoption. So in the past week I have been super busy with trying answer questions and arrange for people to drop off their donated items. I am already super blown away by the generosity of our friends and family. I will definitely be blogging more about this in the months ahead. And will be planning to blog a little more frequently this month.

That is the short version for now. More to come.