Todd's uncle passed away this week. Death is sad. My heart broke while we were at the funeral home. My heart broke for his wife. This beautiful woman who has spent the majority of her life with this man. Making a life, creating children, growing old. She now has to wake up to a world without him. My heart broke as I walked by the casket and saw a teddy bear with the words "Papa Norms" on it. My heart breaks for his grandchildren who now know what it means to have lost someone they adore. My heart breaks for those things because those hit close to home. I have thought about how it may feel if I lost my husband. The mere thought is excruciating. I cannot imagine what the reality is like. I have thought about watching my own children lose someone they love. A few months back, when we thought my own dad was having a heart attack, I wondered how in the world I would tell my babies that they lost their papa. Death is painful. Death is final. As Christians we have hope. We know that if we believe in Jesus and trust in him for our salvation we will live again. We have hope that this is not the end. There is a future after we have died. We can see our loved ones again in eternity. But the here and now is where we live. We still have to wake up each morning and face life without those we miss.
While I was talking with one of Uncle Norms daughters in law, she told me that this summer was amazing. He spent the summer with her and her husband and children. She said they made memories and she believes if he would have known it was his last days, he would have spent them the exact same way. That is a life that is well lived. I only hope I can live each day like that. Because in all actuality none of us knows when our last days will come. We need to love our family. We need to say the things we have left unsaid. We need to seek forgiveness and offer forgiveness. I hope that when my days have ended someone will be able to say that they believe I would not have done anything different. And I hope to hear those words from Jesus, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Real Life Diva
I have my own diva. She is about 3 feet tall and 2.5 years old. Elizabeth has now become a true fashionista. We struggle daily with what she will wear. I pick out something and she always wants to wear a dress. Even today when it was 60 degrees outside she wanted to wear a dress up spaghetti strap dress and only the dress. We compromised. While we were in the house she wore the dress. When we went outside she wore the dress over jeans and a t-shirt. It remotely satisfied her. I know I cannot let her rule the world, but I am trying to carefully choose my battles. In the end I kind of think its cute. My little girl wants nothing more than to be pretty and girly. These are all things I wished for once upon a time. I just thought I would have a little more control over it! :)
Friday, September 11, 2009
Love Story Part 6 (Baby just say yes)
It was Sunday, August 24th 2003. I went to church that morning with a bit of an anxious heart. The week before was filled with conflicting things. Todd and I celebrated our first anniversary of dating on Friday. We were becoming so close and I really was hoping he was going to propose soon. I told my mom that I thought this was going to be the week. My brother convinced me it was not possible for it to be this week. And my parents decided to take a weekend vacation. I was conflicted. Todd was acting strange this whole week. He had been working on some video all week that was supposed to be for church on Sunday morning. He would not give me any details about it. That was odd. I was conflicted. I wanted this to be the week. I wanted him to propose, but why would he do it with my parents gone? Why would he not allow me to see this new video? Did it have to do with him proposing? But he was acting strange. He was way too concerned about Sunday morning. He even wanted to know what I was wearing and where I was sitting. Why does that matter?
Sunday morning I arrived at church and instantly I was sure that he would propose today. My grandmother, aunt, parents and his parents and brother were all at church. That would not be odd except most of those people did not even go to church with us. I was wondering when it would happen. I am sure I did not hear one word of the sermon that day. My mind wandered and I sat anxiously hoping I was right.
At the end of the service a video was introduced that would highlight a new series the church was moving into next month. When the video began Wally, our youth pastor, came on the screen and said "Hey there Metro I just wanted to let you know we are beginning a new series on the book of James." As he said this across the screen flashed "Psalm 33:20-22" Wally stopped and as if he could see it said, "No that is all wrong. We are talking about the book of James." Then Wally started to tell us when the series would begin. As he did across the screen flashed "August 22".
"No, this is all wrong." Wally said. "We need to start this over." Then the video flashed to Todd. And he said, "The video is not wrong, but this is not about Metro. This video is about you and me and I have something really important I need to ask you, so I am going to go to me live." The lights went out in the auditorium and a spotlight came on me. Todd was standing in the aisle next to me with a rose in his hand. He got down on one knee and said, "God brought us together and in his house I want to ask if you will be my wife." That day, in front of 268 people, I said yes. On that day, only he heard me. That was all that mattered.
9 months later on May 7th, 2004 I became his wife and he became my husband. These five years have been filled with so many joys and some trials. Marriage is hard and at times it is exhausting. But I am married to a man whose heart is surrendered to Jesus Christ and who leads our family closer to God. I am married to a man who seeks to meet my needs and cares for me lovingly. He is a man who protects and encourages me. He is a wonderful provider and an excellent father. I know he is committed to me and our family. I have learned through these five years that the person you marry really is the second most important decision you will make. Second only to the decision you make to follow Jesus. Married life is difficult, but I can not imagine how hard it would be if we did not share a love and commitment to Jesus. I am grateful that God lead me to this man and I am thankful that I allowed him to do so.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Catch my breath
I am not writing my love story right now because it requires too much thought. Have you ever had those days where you feel like you never stop moving, but nothing gets done? We came home from a wonderful vacation and since then things have not stopped spinning.
Saturday we had a birthday party. Saturday night we were up half the night with the baby. Sunday we stayed home from church because of the all nighter. Sunday night we were up half the night with the baby. Monday morning I was supposed to attend a MOPS planning meeting. I could not attend because baby needed to go to pediatrician. I made the appointment. We went to appointment. Baby has ear infection. Monday night baby slept mostly through night! Yeah! Tuesday took baby to checkup for acid reflux. Tuesday afternoon I went to work. Tuesday night both kids are awake after being asleep almost an hour. They are now eating a late snack. In the meantime we have been living out of suitcases because I have not unpacked anything. My house is a wreck and I am tired.
I need a vacation. ;)
Saturday we had a birthday party. Saturday night we were up half the night with the baby. Sunday we stayed home from church because of the all nighter. Sunday night we were up half the night with the baby. Monday morning I was supposed to attend a MOPS planning meeting. I could not attend because baby needed to go to pediatrician. I made the appointment. We went to appointment. Baby has ear infection. Monday night baby slept mostly through night! Yeah! Tuesday took baby to checkup for acid reflux. Tuesday afternoon I went to work. Tuesday night both kids are awake after being asleep almost an hour. They are now eating a late snack. In the meantime we have been living out of suitcases because I have not unpacked anything. My house is a wreck and I am tired.
I need a vacation. ;)
Friday, August 28, 2009
Love Story Part 5
We had been dating six months. We were definitely falling in love. We had given ourselves a standard of living by writing down rules for our relationship. They were not because we thought everything within our list was sin. Some of the things we decided not to do were not sinful in and of themselves, but we wanted to run in the direction of purity and stay as far away from sin as possible. Some of our rules included:
1. We will not spend time alone in one anothers houses. If no one else is home we will go to a public place.
2. We will not lie down together anywhere, anytime, any place.
3. No hand holding. (Not indefinitely)
4. No kissing until and if we become engaged.
Some people will find our list a bit outdated. Many people will not understand. But I can tell you that purity was such a beautiful thing and filled us with such freedom. The day Todd held my hand for the first time proved to me that purity was worth every ounce of waiting and self control that we had.
We were sitting on his mom's couch watching tv and talking. As the show ended we began to talk more in depth. I am not sure how the subject came up, but we began to talk about marriage. He then told me something he had never said before. He told me he wanted to marry me. It was not a proposal, but he told me he knew that I was "the one" and he said that within the year he was going to propose to me. At that moment he told me he wanted to give me a gift. He took my hand into his and for the first time we held hands. It was well worth the wait. It was precious, memorable and so special.
I was stunned one night a few weeks later to learn that Todd and my dad were having dinner, alone, together at Todd's request. He asked my dad for permission to marry me and my dad said yes.
To find out how and when he asked me keep reading...
1. We will not spend time alone in one anothers houses. If no one else is home we will go to a public place.
2. We will not lie down together anywhere, anytime, any place.
3. No hand holding. (Not indefinitely)
4. No kissing until and if we become engaged.
Some people will find our list a bit outdated. Many people will not understand. But I can tell you that purity was such a beautiful thing and filled us with such freedom. The day Todd held my hand for the first time proved to me that purity was worth every ounce of waiting and self control that we had.
We were sitting on his mom's couch watching tv and talking. As the show ended we began to talk more in depth. I am not sure how the subject came up, but we began to talk about marriage. He then told me something he had never said before. He told me he wanted to marry me. It was not a proposal, but he told me he knew that I was "the one" and he said that within the year he was going to propose to me. At that moment he told me he wanted to give me a gift. He took my hand into his and for the first time we held hands. It was well worth the wait. It was precious, memorable and so special.
I was stunned one night a few weeks later to learn that Todd and my dad were having dinner, alone, together at Todd's request. He asked my dad for permission to marry me and my dad said yes.
To find out how and when he asked me keep reading...
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Love Story Part 4
Two weeks had past since Todd came home from Costa Rica. He was different. He obviously cared for me and tried to spend as much time as he could in my presence. Our time together was very limited, however. We were both youth leaders and these two weeks happened to be the busiest of the whole summer. We had a to plan for, shop for and put on a youth trip. We also attended a 3 day leadership conference with other people from church. We seemed to be always together, yet we never really had a private moment. I had no doubt he had feelings for me, but my own anxiousness was beginning to grow.
I was beginning to feel very sad and down about the whole situation. One night while we were with a group of youth I could not hide my sadness. I was not crying, but I was definitely not myself. One of the senior guys came to me. I had not told him any of my feelings or what was going on between Todd and I, but when he approached me he said, "Why don't you just tell him how you feel." At that moment I was a little perplexed. He was visiting from out of town and had only been a part of the youth group for a couple weeks. I had not told him and I was sure Todd had not, but he seemed to know. My reply was, "I can't. Isn't the guy supposed to approach the girl?" He said, "Well, sometimes the guy needs a little help." At that moment I knew God was telling me to approach him again. That night as I was leaving I asked Todd if he would walk me to my car. Once outside I asked him when could we talk about us. He told me he was so sorry. He knew we needed to talk, but he had been so busy and had not made time. I asked if he had any time soon and he said, "No, but I will make time." The next evening we had a friend's birthday party to attend, but we made plans to get together after the party.
August 22, 2002 I went to the party filled with anxiety and joy. After the birthday party we drove together to a park by the water. We went first to a coffee shop, but when we went in we saw too many familiar faces to talk privately. So, instead, we took a walk down by the water. While we walked I remember him telling me how much he admired me and how I possessed all of the qualities he had been seeking in a wife. We walked around and around the little pathway. We talked and talked and towards the end I remember asking him, "So, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" His reply was absolutely so telling of his character. He said, "not exactly." Todd wanted so desperately for us to do this the right way and at first he was apprehensive of calling us "boyfriend, girlfriend." Not because he did not want to date, but because he wanted to date differently. The way people usually do "dating" can lack purpose and intentionality. He wanted us to spend time together dating to see if God wanted us to be husband and wife. I remember while we were walking around the park a group of teenagers teased us saying, "Why don't you hold her hand?" He told me as we continued to talk that he wanted me to know that he genuinely wanted to hold my hand, but he wanted everything within our relationship to be special and to have purpose. He wanted us to pursue purity with everything we had and pursue Jesus even harder. Todd pursued me with such purity and he protected my heart and body for my future husband.
For the story of the first day he held my hand stay tuned...
I was beginning to feel very sad and down about the whole situation. One night while we were with a group of youth I could not hide my sadness. I was not crying, but I was definitely not myself. One of the senior guys came to me. I had not told him any of my feelings or what was going on between Todd and I, but when he approached me he said, "Why don't you just tell him how you feel." At that moment I was a little perplexed. He was visiting from out of town and had only been a part of the youth group for a couple weeks. I had not told him and I was sure Todd had not, but he seemed to know. My reply was, "I can't. Isn't the guy supposed to approach the girl?" He said, "Well, sometimes the guy needs a little help." At that moment I knew God was telling me to approach him again. That night as I was leaving I asked Todd if he would walk me to my car. Once outside I asked him when could we talk about us. He told me he was so sorry. He knew we needed to talk, but he had been so busy and had not made time. I asked if he had any time soon and he said, "No, but I will make time." The next evening we had a friend's birthday party to attend, but we made plans to get together after the party.
August 22, 2002 I went to the party filled with anxiety and joy. After the birthday party we drove together to a park by the water. We went first to a coffee shop, but when we went in we saw too many familiar faces to talk privately. So, instead, we took a walk down by the water. While we walked I remember him telling me how much he admired me and how I possessed all of the qualities he had been seeking in a wife. We walked around and around the little pathway. We talked and talked and towards the end I remember asking him, "So, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" His reply was absolutely so telling of his character. He said, "not exactly." Todd wanted so desperately for us to do this the right way and at first he was apprehensive of calling us "boyfriend, girlfriend." Not because he did not want to date, but because he wanted to date differently. The way people usually do "dating" can lack purpose and intentionality. He wanted us to spend time together dating to see if God wanted us to be husband and wife. I remember while we were walking around the park a group of teenagers teased us saying, "Why don't you hold her hand?" He told me as we continued to talk that he wanted me to know that he genuinely wanted to hold my hand, but he wanted everything within our relationship to be special and to have purpose. He wanted us to pursue purity with everything we had and pursue Jesus even harder. Todd pursued me with such purity and he protected my heart and body for my future husband.
For the story of the first day he held my hand stay tuned...
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