Things I miss

I would never trade being a mommy for anything. I love my kids and I am so thankful that they were entrusted to me. I adore them and have so much fun with them, but occasionally I get that twinge of missing something pre-kid days. So here is my extensive, but not exhaustive list of things I miss. (Not in order of ranking.)

1. Going shopping in the middle of the day just because I feel like it.
2. Spending more than five minutes on my hair on any given day.
3. Sleeping until noon on Saturday.
4. Working out.
5. Going to the movies with my husband, on whim, on a Thursday night.
6. Having a large group of people over on a Friday night for small group and staying up way too late.
7. Doing ministry in an organized sense.
8. Sitting in front of my vanity and playing with my hair until I have come up with a new hairstyle for myself.
9. Being able to go have dinner with a friend with just a phone call.
10. Going to the bathroom alone. (I never knew that our downstairs bathroom lock does not work until we had kids.)
11. Going anywhere alone.
12. Being able to eat something, anything without sharing.
13. Worshiping in Church without thinking "Did I forget anything, Did she stop crying, Will she take a nap in there?"
14. Having my just cleaned house stay clean.
15. Waking up and not having to do anything.
16. Having relaxing days at home that actually are relaxing.
17. Leaving the house without a load of stuff.
18. Being able to have a serious conversation with Todd without stopping twelve times.

Appalling

So I just read an article that talked about a website that was designed to "hook up" married people looking to have an affair. I will not mention the name because the website owner says he welcomes criticism because it offers him free publicity. This made me sick to my stomach. People, unhappy in their marriage can find a way, as one customer put it: "to make their marriage better, by taking the pressure off." And all of that for only $249.99. I know that the natural way of mankind is to sink deeper and deeper into sin, and I know that I am not above any sin, but this sickens me. This creator is a married man with young children and he says he has been faithful to his wife, "to date". I wonder if his wife feels secure and happy in the knowledge that her husband thinks so highly of infidelity. I grieve for her and I grieve for the customers and their families who turn to this to find fullfillment. I grieve for the many lives that have been destroyed by adultrey. Marriage is not easy. Marriage is hard and I know that at times it can feel like the grass is greener on the other side. It isn't. If someone other than your spouse is looking appealing to you. Just know that if you go through with it. That person will eventually be old and comfortable to you and you will have wrecked a lot of lives in the path. Yours, your spouse, your children, the other person's family. God can restore even the most damaged marriages. He can bring healing and passion and life back to it again. Seek help from a trusted Christian counselor. Seek help from your pastor. Pray with your spouse for life to be restored in your marriage. The grass is greener where you water it!

10 months

So 10 months ago today I gave birth to Claire. She was perfect in every way. I was thinking today that while there are some things I miss about the little baby stage there really is not much. She is fast approaching toddler hood. She no longer drinks from a bottle. She has graduated to big girl sippy cups. She is crawling all over and is pulling up on every thing. I am sure she will be walking soon. She eats just about everything. She eats every meal with us at the table and eats most of what we eat. She is no longer a little baby. Of course she will always be my baby, but she is growing up. People often say you will miss this. Yes, I will miss many things, but the first 7 months of her life were so hard. She was an acid reflux baby and that meant for 4 months she slept only in a swing. For 6 months she slept in our bedroom or in the living for naps. For 6 months she never left my side. That is hard on anyone. I was constantly worried she may reflux and choke. I did not get enough sleep. She woke every 3-4 hours for 6 months and when she did sleep longer she still was not sleeping through the night until 9 months. She did not fall asleep on her own until 7 0r 8 months. This was incredibly hard on me and hard on our whole family. Todd often took night feedings because I was too exhausted. He would wake with her at 3 or 4 and be back up for work by 6 or 7. We would take turns rocking her to sleep at bedtime and most nights one of us was upstairs with her until 9:30 or 10. We were scared to leave her with anyone and only had a couple of people we felt comfortable staying with her. This left little time for us to be alone. When she cried I always wondered if she was in pain or if she just needed to cry. This meant she did not learn to fall asleep on her own. For 7 months life was kind of a whirl wind. And it was just hard. Things have gotten much better in the past couple of months. She is doing so much better with her reflux. She is sleeping through the night and puts herself to sleep. But getting here was a long, hard road. This has changed my perspective in a lot of ways. I always said I wanted our children to be no more than two years apart, but now I am thinking maybe three is a better number for the next one. I am just too tired to think of having another baby in the near future. It has also made me realize that while I would never trade our Claire for another baby I think I will not miss much about those first 7 months. I am enjoying her, Elizabeth and Todd so much more now. And I am grateful these past 10 months are behind me. I am sad my baby is growing up, but I know that the moments to come will be wonderful. I am not wishing away these years. They are too precious, but I am wisely looking at this for what it was and praying that our next baby does not have these issues.

Sleep

I just wanted to say that sleep has gotten so much sweeter in our house since about two weeks ago. Two weeks ago we transitioned Claire, from bottle, to only drinking from a cup. Up until then she was still waking in the night to eat. She is 21 lbs and definitely does not still need the night feeding, but it was a habit. So when we moved to the cup I decided we would try letting her cry at night and see how that goes. The first night she cried like 10 minutes. Maybe 5 the next few and now she sleeps all night until like 8 or 9 in the am. Sleep is like so much sweeter. I look forward to bedtime because I know I will not be woke up at 3 am. I am wondering why I did not try that sooner. Oh Well. Thankful for it now!

Mom Guilt

Ok so any mom will know what mom guilt is. We look at other kids, other moms and feel a twinge of "why is my life not like that" and we blame ourselves. I was thinking about this because my hubby made a very innocent comment the other night about our children eating Mcdonalds. He did not mean for me to take it the way I did, but I was suddenly in a tailspin of tears and guilt. I pondered how my children would grow healthy and happy with such an awful mom. The conversation was essentially this. I wanted Claire's bedtime snack to be oatmeal and pureed veggies. Todd did not want to put veggies in it tonight. So he wanted to just do oatmeal. Really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. And later during a conversation about this he thought I was upset that he did not want to put veggies in it. So he said, "I can't believe you care that much that I did not want to put veggies in it one time. After all we feed out kids Mcdonalds." (By this he meant, one missed veggie is not big big of a deal considering our kids eat fast food, which by some standards would be the worst thing you can feed them.) How I took it was- "This coming from a mom who feeds her kids French fries and Chicken Nuggets." So I was instantly a mess. We sorted through it, but it made me think how we as moms put so much pressure on ourselves. We compare our kids to everyone elses and we think those moms have it all together. Yes my kids eat fast food. Honestly its probably not the worst thing I have done to my kids. Yes I have forgotten to brush their teeth. Yes they have gone days without baths because I was so tired. But my wonderful husband reminded me of what our goal as parents is. Do I want my kids to have good hygeine? Yes. Do I want them to learn healthy eating habits? Yes. But in the grand scheme of life my goal is to raise children who know and love God. All else as my husband said is second. If I fail at something I don't want it to be that. Will I still feel a twinge of guilt when I see another mom sitting with well behaved children looking so put together? Probably. But I need to remind myself that at the end of time Jesus will not look at me and say "Did your remember to brush your children's teeth?" or "Did you always leave your house with makeup and spit-up free clothes on?" No. He will however care deeply about what I did with the hearts of my children.Did I mold them and train them to follow him? I pray that can be my standard.