Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sweetly Broken Wholly Surrendered


Yesterday we received news that the government of Ethiopia has planned to cut the inter-country adoptions by 90%. They currently have been processing 50 adoptions per day. With the new plan in place they will now only process 5. 5 families per day. 5 children. And if our wait would have been 1 year we can now give a good estimate that it will be 3-4 years. I am not going to explain the ins and outs. I think the government has good reasons to reconsider their adoption process. Although I do not necessarily think this is the best solution. But being someone who is immediately affected by it makes it just seem crushing.

So what does this mean for us? We are not sure at this point. We have not heard directly from our agency and have no idea if they are even accepting applications for Ethiopia still. I emailed our agency the moment we heard the news. That was Saturday morning. We will most likely not hear anything until Monday or Tuesday.

In the moment I have gone through a variety of emotions. Sadness, fear, anxiety. Those are just a few. When I heard the news Todd was working and I called him to share. Honestly he could not even understand what I was saying because I was sobbing. When he finally understood what I was trying to convey he immediately said, "Let's pray." He prayed and then told me that God had this under control. He is right. And Todd has had an amazing faith that has helped to hold me up.

Here is what I am resting in this moment.

When we began this journey it was never about Ethiopia. We felt called to adopt. We felt called to a child, specifically a boy. We had a heart and a love for Africa. We researched and prayed and researched and talked to people. And after much deliberation we decided to go with Ethiopia. All along we were wholly surrendered to God and asking for His input. With that being said, we never heard an audible or even a direct "Go to Ethiopia." We simply prayed for wisdom and made a decision. Not saying it was made lightly. It most certainly was not. It was an agonizing and big decision. And after sometime and even some trying to go in other directions Ethiopia was the only avenue that was working. And we made the decision to pursue it. I do not think we "misheard" God or that we even took control of the reigns. We made the best decision we knew and followed God the best we knew how in the moment.

Now here we are. Through no control of our own our home study paperwork took much longer than anticipated and we just received it a couple of weeks ago. And then we had a huge bout of flu and now here we are. So we have not done any real work on the adoption in a couple weeks. The next step is to file paperwork with immigration. This is the first official moment when you need to know the country for sure. We have not filed that paperwork yet. If that paperwork was filed it would be much harder to switch countries. We could still do it. But it would cost more money.

All of this being said we are not certain what will happen. Ultimately we are surrendered to God. We want His leading. And in this moment we are praying about the decisions we are facing. We may be called to stay with Ethiopia and wait the 4 years but there are children who need homes now. And maybe we are being called to another country.

I have learned that when you cling tightly to something it turns to ash in your fist. So our hands are open. Our hearts are broken. And we are wholly surrendered. My broken heart is in the palms of my loving God and our life is in His hands.

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