A new sense of direction

I shared last week that Ethiopia's Ministry of Women's Affairs (MOWA) announced last week that they would be cutting adoption approvals by 90%. This news shocked us and left me very disheartened. I immediately found myself heartbroken. After spending sometime in prayer on the day of finding out I felt like the Lord was speaking to my heart that this would be used for good. The voice was not audible and honestly I felt no sense of what we were supposed to do.

So I searched and prayed and emailed and asked a gazillion questions. I literally emailed our agency like 3 times a day sometimes with new questions. I am sure that they probably are sick of me by now. Right away both Todd I and I thought of possibly changing countries. We did a ton of reading and asked our agency which countries would be possible. There were only two choices for us with our agency because I am not over 30. Ethiopia and another country which is not African. We both prayed about the other country and felt like that was not where God was leading. We then thought about leaving our agency and adopting independently. We would lose some money but if this was where God was leading we wanted to obey. Again, we emailed, researched and asked a gazillion questions. Nothing seemed to be working. There were dead ends everywhere.

I felt utterly dis-heartened. We knew very clearly God was calling us to adopt now. He wanted us to begin this process now not in 2 1/2 years when I am 30. So if he wanted us to do this now why was He not leading? I honestly felt like that. I spent one night last week sobbing and crying and praying asking God why He was not leading us. I felt like we were willing to do whatever He called. I felt like we had been obedient up to this point. But I also felt so uncertain about what He wanted. I shared this with Todd and my very wise husband told me maybe God was leading. Maybe all along He had been speaking and asking us to still choose Ethiopia. Even though it looks dead and even though it looks like there is no way. Maybe just maybe that was what He wanted us to do after all.

I went to bed and gave my heart to the Lord. I asked Him to show me if that was what He was asking. Did He want us to walk through this storm? I told Him I would if I knew He was in it. That was Wednesday evening. Thursday came and sometime throughout the day I logged on to read a blog by an adoptive momma from Ethiopia. She said she had been praying for the families who were adopting from Ethiopia and the Lord gave her the story of Lazarus. It is in the Bible in the book of John 11: 1-45. One verse stuck out to me while reading it. It was verse 4 "When he heard this, Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.'" It stuck out because the very first thing I heard from God before anything else was that this would result in good. In the story a man named Lazarus was sick. Lazarus and his two sisters had been very close with Jesus. So naturally when Lazarus was sick his sisters sent for him. And said to Him, "Lord the one you love is sick." Jesus heard that and responded with verse 4. This will end in good. But what happened after that was hard. Jesus did not come to Lazarus right away. In fact Lazarus died and was dead four days before Jesus showed up. And when He did come Mary and Martha had already given up hope that their brother could be given life. But Jesus did give Him life. He called Lazarus out of his tomb and gave Him real actual life. He was living and breathing and walking around again. And many people followed Jesus as a result.

So fast forward to Friday morning. I woke up very early and sat with my Bible reading this passage. I read and prayed for God to speak to me. Again I did not hear an audible voice but I knew never-the-less that God was calling us to Ethiopia. To continue on the path we had been on. I cannot say what will happen tomorrow. I only know what we have been called to today. And today I am walking in obedience.

After I finished my devotional time on Friday morning I went to the computer and checked my email. I recieved an email from a friend that she had gotten from an agency. Here is a little snippet of that email.

"From the sources above and others, we are feeling confident that this MoWA limit most likely will not stand. The Adoption Network in Ethiopia (composed of agency representatives) is meeting this coming week and we hope to have more information after that."

It was a sweet encouragement to my soul. But it was sweeter because it was only confirmation of what God was already speaking to me. This will end in good! Our God is a God who calls dead things to life!