Update

      It has been a while since I posted an update. So I thought I would let everyone know where we are. We have been submitted to court in DRC and are awaiting judgement. Once we receive our judgement we go through a 30 day wait period called CONA. If no immediate family members come forward to claim our little guy he will be officially our son in the eyes of the Congolese government. After CONA we will submit paperwork with the US Immigration Services and once they approve us we have a 3-6 month investigation period by the US Embassy in Congo. Once they approve everything we will be given the green light for travel and get to go pick up our little guy. So basically we do not know when he will be home. And with any international adoption there is always room for things to fall through and things to go wrong.

 To be real here. I have been "looking" at bedding for our little one. The moment we got the first phone call for our first referral I was already dreaming of a nursery. But after losing him and that huge heartbreak I am just really afraid to make concrete plans for this little guy. I seriously might be doing this little guy's nursery the week before we travel. (Ok, probably not.) I have been praying to God for more faith. More faith to trust Him even when the way does not look clear. And I think He has been granting that to me. But I also know that trusting in God means that sometimes things will not work out how I want and I need to trust Him even then. So I am wrestling with that. With how much of my apprehension is fear and how much is just plain wisdom. And to be truthful I have not gotten it all sorted out. This week God has been reminding me over and over through books and the Bible and my daily devotional that this is not supposed to all happen in my power and my strength. He is the one in control. My job is to trust Him and walk where He tells me to. He will fulfill the plans He has. I wish I was more faithful to believe that His plans are for my good. (Romans 8:28). But I admit I struggle with that.

    A couple years ago we were at a point in our adoption process where our agency (not the one we are with now) told us they may not approve us for the adoption because we did not have enough money in our bank account. I remember reading that email and feeling devastated. I cried and prayed and begged God for clarity. I was emotionally a wreck that day. I ended up taking a nap in the afternoon. I passed out from sheer emotional exhaustion and when I woke up this verse was pounding in my head.

2nd Corinthians 4:7 " But we have this treasure in Jars of Clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us." (NIV)

    God uses the broken, weak and humble things of this world to display His power. I am reminded more and more as this adoption progresses how truly weak I am. And I am learning more and more what a truly big and powerful God I serve.

    In the end, I am not sure if I will get to bring home the little baby boy I have grown to love. I am not sure if I will get to kiss his chocolate cheeks or see him in the baby boy clothes we have stored away. I am not sure if I will ever have another child fill our crib but I know my God is good and He can be trusted. So I am taking it day by day. Today is a good day. But tomorrow if you see me wallowing in the mud of doubt and tears, can you just give me a hug and offer a prayer for me? I am weak and I will have days like that!