I was listening to a radio broadcast last night and I heard a pastor talking about a book he had written. It was all about lies that Christians believe. One of the truths that really hit home to me was "Let your conscience be your guide."
I have heard this many times. Your conscience, according to some, is what tells you right from wrong. It sounds good. It even sounds true. But the truth is our conscience is not to be our guide. Our conscience merely reminds us when we our going outside of what we believe is "good." The conscience cannot be the absolute truth and final authority. If it was, then why do so many people believe different things about right and wrong? Why do individuals even change their mind about what they think is right within their lifetime, if the conscience is the final authority?
We cannot let what we believe about right and wrong dictate how we behave. So many would have total peace and think it was absolutely fine to love those who love us and hate those who hate us. It seems completely justified to mistreat someone who has mistreated you. And most people would have clear conscience about such behavior.
What do we do then with verses like this...
Matthew 5:43-48 "You have heard it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect."
It is not natural to love your enemies. Well, at least for me it's not easy. It does not feel like I am doing the right thing, necessarily. My conscience feels completely justified in treating them the way they treat me.
So either my conscience is wrong or God's word is wrong. I happen to believe that the Bible is the perfect, infallible word of the living God. So, I need to believe that I cannot trust my conscience. If you also believe in the Word of God then I encourage you to mistrust yours as well. I challenge you that if you have "peace" about something that the Bible states is wrong your peace is not from the Lord. And you are obeying something other than God's word.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Neighbor
We have lived in our home for 5 years. Our home is in a unique spot. We have only one real neighbor. They live across the street. An elderly couple. They have lived in their home for over 40 years. Bob, the man, is pretty set that he wants things within our little nook to be the way he likes it. During the past 5 years we have had our share of neighbor issues. Bob does not like that our lawn is sometimes a little long. He does not like when we leave things on our porch. He has expressed to us countless times the many things he does not like that we do.
I have tried to be respectful of him. I have become pretty angry at some of the things that he does. But I have tried to be kind. We bake them cookies. We wave and say hi when we go outside. Our kids get so excited to see him and his wife and they beg to go and talk to them. I actually am pretty fond of his wife, Nancy. She is a sweet Christian woman. I have prayed with her on our lawn a few times. She bakes us goodies and brings presents to the kids at Christmas time.
But today Bob crossed a line. He came over to the house tonight. I was gone and Todd was inside playing with the kids. Todd opened the door and Bob proceeded to tell him that we needed to "shut that F***ing dog up." Todd had been playing with the kids and apparently the dog was outside. Todd said he heard her barking and that it may have gone on for about 5 minutes. But Bob was livid. He told Todd that we needed to not let her bark or he was going to sue us. This is not the first time he complained about our dog. I tend to not let her bark for a long time. But the reality is that sometimes when you have kids going outside to get the dog is not the priority. So she might bark for 5 minutes while I am changing a diaper or helping Liz go potty. Or sometimes it is because I am in the middle of 400 things at once and Riley is bottom of the totem pole. But she rarely ever barks for longer than 5 minutes. Except for the occasion two years ago, that Bob still remembers, when we were at a wedding rehearsal and we had a babysitter for our kids. The babysitter apparently left the dog out for 1/2 hour barking. Bob called us to tell us to get the dog inside. I am pretty sure that our dog barking does not warrant being sued. But anyway. I am not so angry that he "hates dogs" as he told Todd. And I am not really angry that everything we do is under his scrutiny. I am more upset that when Todd came in my girls had to ask why Bob was yelling at their daddy. I am mad that he would have such arrogance and disrespect to come to my home and treat my husband that way in front of our kids. I mad that he thinks that he has the right to tell us exactly how we should behave within his radius. I am upset that he threatens to sue us over our dog barking for 5 minutes when just a few months back he ran a skidster over our septic field.
I was reminded in my anger of the verse Matthew 5:44 "But I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (NIV) I did not feel like praying for him. I do not feel like loving him. But then Todd told me that after he came in the house and the girls asked why Bob behaved that way, Todd told them that Bob was having a bad day and then my kids prayed for him. It is so simple. And I will pray for him. And I will love him. And maybe we will make them cookies.
I feel a bit better after praying for him and after my blog therapy.
I have tried to be respectful of him. I have become pretty angry at some of the things that he does. But I have tried to be kind. We bake them cookies. We wave and say hi when we go outside. Our kids get so excited to see him and his wife and they beg to go and talk to them. I actually am pretty fond of his wife, Nancy. She is a sweet Christian woman. I have prayed with her on our lawn a few times. She bakes us goodies and brings presents to the kids at Christmas time.
But today Bob crossed a line. He came over to the house tonight. I was gone and Todd was inside playing with the kids. Todd opened the door and Bob proceeded to tell him that we needed to "shut that F***ing dog up." Todd had been playing with the kids and apparently the dog was outside. Todd said he heard her barking and that it may have gone on for about 5 minutes. But Bob was livid. He told Todd that we needed to not let her bark or he was going to sue us. This is not the first time he complained about our dog. I tend to not let her bark for a long time. But the reality is that sometimes when you have kids going outside to get the dog is not the priority. So she might bark for 5 minutes while I am changing a diaper or helping Liz go potty. Or sometimes it is because I am in the middle of 400 things at once and Riley is bottom of the totem pole. But she rarely ever barks for longer than 5 minutes. Except for the occasion two years ago, that Bob still remembers, when we were at a wedding rehearsal and we had a babysitter for our kids. The babysitter apparently left the dog out for 1/2 hour barking. Bob called us to tell us to get the dog inside. I am pretty sure that our dog barking does not warrant being sued. But anyway. I am not so angry that he "hates dogs" as he told Todd. And I am not really angry that everything we do is under his scrutiny. I am more upset that when Todd came in my girls had to ask why Bob was yelling at their daddy. I am mad that he would have such arrogance and disrespect to come to my home and treat my husband that way in front of our kids. I mad that he thinks that he has the right to tell us exactly how we should behave within his radius. I am upset that he threatens to sue us over our dog barking for 5 minutes when just a few months back he ran a skidster over our septic field.
I was reminded in my anger of the verse Matthew 5:44 "But I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (NIV) I did not feel like praying for him. I do not feel like loving him. But then Todd told me that after he came in the house and the girls asked why Bob behaved that way, Todd told them that Bob was having a bad day and then my kids prayed for him. It is so simple. And I will pray for him. And I will love him. And maybe we will make them cookies.
I feel a bit better after praying for him and after my blog therapy.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Polar Bears and Cleaning
I am not quite sure when it began. Whenever I clean the kitchen floor I take all of the table chairs and line them up in such a way to block the kids in the living room. It gets the chairs out of the way and creates a barricade to keep them from running in my dirt piles. But now for some reason whenever I create the barricade Elizabeth pretends they are in a polar bear cave. The polar bears are sometimes friendly, sometimes sleeping, sometimes very mean. We have sung them lullabies and the kids have made them dinner all in attempts to keep them from attacking.
Today I made the polar bear cave and cleaned the floor. Today the polar bear games continued long after the barricade was returned to the table. While I was putting away a basket of laundry upstairs I heard scurrying little feet. And when I came down to see what was going on I was informed that one of the polar bears attacked Claire and hurt her very badly. Claire was being nursed back to health by Elizabeth. Elizabeth held a play kitchen pot-holder around Claire's arm for about 15 minutes. I was extremely surprised that Claire sat still for that long and that Elizabeth was willing to sit and hold it on her for that amount of time.
Fast forward to lunch time. Elizabeth was doing way more playing than eating and way more talking than she should have. Elizabeth then informed me that the polar bears were coming to the table and we needed to stop eating. I told her that I had put special polar bear repellent in her mac and cheese and veggies and if she ate them the polar bears would not be able to get her.
This was very intriguing to her. She asked all sorts of question.
Today I made the polar bear cave and cleaned the floor. Today the polar bear games continued long after the barricade was returned to the table. While I was putting away a basket of laundry upstairs I heard scurrying little feet. And when I came down to see what was going on I was informed that one of the polar bears attacked Claire and hurt her very badly. Claire was being nursed back to health by Elizabeth. Elizabeth held a play kitchen pot-holder around Claire's arm for about 15 minutes. I was extremely surprised that Claire sat still for that long and that Elizabeth was willing to sit and hold it on her for that amount of time.
Fast forward to lunch time. Elizabeth was doing way more playing than eating and way more talking than she should have. Elizabeth then informed me that the polar bears were coming to the table and we needed to stop eating. I told her that I had put special polar bear repellent in her mac and cheese and veggies and if she ate them the polar bears would not be able to get her.
This was very intriguing to her. She asked all sorts of question.
Where did you get this stuff?
My pocket.
Can I see it?
No it is invisible.
Is it in there?
Yes.
Is it in there for real?
Well, no not for real. But the polar bears are only pretend, so we can pretend we have repellent.
Mom saves the day again.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Michaels Part Two and Saying No
I went back to Michaels today to purchase cake pan number two and use 40% off coupon number two. I found said pan and went to check out lane. After waiting for a moment Elizabeth announced she had to pee and when I told her she needed to wait she proclaimed, "It's coming out." So we quickly ran to the back of the store to the restroom. Used restroom and came back to the line which of course had grown. We waited in line and while waiting my eye was drawn to a super cute gift card holder. I thought to myself, "I think I will get that." Immediately I used my brain and told myself, "No way. They will not win." You see I understand that the whole reason they wanted me to come back to the store twice was because I might buy more if I am in the store one more time. So I resisted the urge to buy the super cute gift card holder and reasoned that sticking a gift card in a card is much more practical. We made our purchase and I actually saved only $8.00. $8.00 is still a savings.
Then we promptly left and went to Mcdonalds where I spent $7.00 for lunch. Anyone see the humor in that? Ohh well.
I went to Mcdonalds because I read an article yesterday that said when at all possible say yes to your kids. Now, the article was not trying to turn our children into some self centered brats. It is important that we do not give our child every single thing they ask for. They cannot think they are the center of the universe. Or they will behave like that. It was simply pointing out that we as moms have to say no a lot. We have to say no for a lot of good and practical reasons. Like when my child asks if they can jump off the back of the couch. I say no because I do not want her to break her head. I say no when she wants to stay up past bedtime because she needs rest and so do I. I say no when she wants to take some toy from her sister. I say no a lot and my kids are better off for it. But, sometimes we say no without any real reason. We simply say no because we are programed in our brains to say no. Like when Elizabeth asks for the 500th time if she can paint. I say no because I don't want to clean it up. Or when they ask if they can color. I say no because I am busy and do not want to stop and find crayons and paper. I say no and do not even know why sometimes. So today I said yes. We were leaving Michaels and Elizabeth asked if we could go to the play area at Mcdonalds. I thought about it for a moment and almost said no. No because we have perfectly good food at home. No because it costs money and is not the healthiest meal. But then I did not say anything at all. Instead I drove in the direction of Mcdonalds and when we were getting close to the driveway Elizabeth said, "Mom, can we go?" I said, "I don't know hunny." And as I pulled in the parking lot there were shrieks of excitement. We went in and they played and then we ate lunch. It was fun and I am glad I said yes. Yes to Mcdonalds and no to the gift card holder. Michaels did not win today.
Then we promptly left and went to Mcdonalds where I spent $7.00 for lunch. Anyone see the humor in that? Ohh well.
I went to Mcdonalds because I read an article yesterday that said when at all possible say yes to your kids. Now, the article was not trying to turn our children into some self centered brats. It is important that we do not give our child every single thing they ask for. They cannot think they are the center of the universe. Or they will behave like that. It was simply pointing out that we as moms have to say no a lot. We have to say no for a lot of good and practical reasons. Like when my child asks if they can jump off the back of the couch. I say no because I do not want her to break her head. I say no when she wants to stay up past bedtime because she needs rest and so do I. I say no when she wants to take some toy from her sister. I say no a lot and my kids are better off for it. But, sometimes we say no without any real reason. We simply say no because we are programed in our brains to say no. Like when Elizabeth asks for the 500th time if she can paint. I say no because I don't want to clean it up. Or when they ask if they can color. I say no because I am busy and do not want to stop and find crayons and paper. I say no and do not even know why sometimes. So today I said yes. We were leaving Michaels and Elizabeth asked if we could go to the play area at Mcdonalds. I thought about it for a moment and almost said no. No because we have perfectly good food at home. No because it costs money and is not the healthiest meal. But then I did not say anything at all. Instead I drove in the direction of Mcdonalds and when we were getting close to the driveway Elizabeth said, "Mom, can we go?" I said, "I don't know hunny." And as I pulled in the parking lot there were shrieks of excitement. We went in and they played and then we ate lunch. It was fun and I am glad I said yes. Yes to Mcdonalds and no to the gift card holder. Michaels did not win today.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Dear Michaels
Dear Michaels-
I am not really angry at you. Just a bit agitated that today of all days I was serviced by the one person in your store who follows rules and would not allow me to use my two 40% off coupons at the same time. I was buying two of the exact same items. Two large sheet cake pans. The 40% off coupon would allow me to save about $9.00. I really wanted to buy both of those cake pans today. This would save me a lot of energy and prevent me from having to drag my two children back into your store on a whole other day. You see we have a lot of very important summer activities we need to be doing. Like swimming and playing and anything other than taking two kids under three into your store. I was even willing to have two separate orders, so it would seem like I was two different customers. But no. Today, of all days, the person who waited on me decided it was very important to follow the rules. More important than making me drag my children back into your store on another day. So if on the day that we return one of my children happens to break something I will not be held responsible.
Sincerely,
Return customer
(Ok, so I really would not allow my children to break something. I do try to reign then in when we are out in public. And I am not really angry. But just irked because I have seen cashiers bend the rules for customers and I was just hoping I would get one of those cashiers today. But alas I did not. God is probably trying to teach me something. Like maybe we should follow rules. Or maybe, I just needed a good laugh. I like that one better. )
I am not really angry at you. Just a bit agitated that today of all days I was serviced by the one person in your store who follows rules and would not allow me to use my two 40% off coupons at the same time. I was buying two of the exact same items. Two large sheet cake pans. The 40% off coupon would allow me to save about $9.00. I really wanted to buy both of those cake pans today. This would save me a lot of energy and prevent me from having to drag my two children back into your store on a whole other day. You see we have a lot of very important summer activities we need to be doing. Like swimming and playing and anything other than taking two kids under three into your store. I was even willing to have two separate orders, so it would seem like I was two different customers. But no. Today, of all days, the person who waited on me decided it was very important to follow the rules. More important than making me drag my children back into your store on another day. So if on the day that we return one of my children happens to break something I will not be held responsible.
Sincerely,
Return customer
(Ok, so I really would not allow my children to break something. I do try to reign then in when we are out in public. And I am not really angry. But just irked because I have seen cashiers bend the rules for customers and I was just hoping I would get one of those cashiers today. But alas I did not. God is probably trying to teach me something. Like maybe we should follow rules. Or maybe, I just needed a good laugh. I like that one better. )
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Dreams
Sometimes I feel like I have so much going on in my head that I want to burst. By nature I am a people person. I crave and thrive with interaction. That can be a bit discouraging when you are a mom of young kids. So often the only interaction I get in a day is with the three and under crowd. I love it. Don't get me wrong. I really love being a mom. It is like a dream come true. I adore my children and I take the role very seriously, but I dream some days of doing different things.
I dream of speaking publicly. I dream of sharing my heart and my God with other women and moms. I dream of being able to use the life experiences I have had to help other people. I dream of standing beside other women and encouraging them.
Its hard to share my dreams. In all honesty, I am a bit afraid to share that. Afraid that maybe I will never do any of those things and I will look silly for admitting them. I am afraid that maybe I will do those things and fail miserably. But I dream of other things too.
I dream that one day we will adopt a son. I dream one day we will bring a baby into our home that needs a family and that our lives will be forever changed by him.
I dream that our family will live in real community with those around us. I dream that our church friends can become more like our church family and we will not feel so alone some times. That we will be and look like the early church that gave and shared and sacrificed for one another.
I dream that my children will grow to know and serve the living God. I dream that they would follow Him all of their days. I dream that when my children think about their mother they will think about a woman who led them to Jesus and loved them with grace and compassion.
I dream that I will be a woman who brings good to her husband all the days of his life. I dream that I will love him and give to him more than he does to me. I dream that I would think about his welfare above my own. I dream that our marriage would defy all odds and look so different from the cultural norm.
I dream that I would love God and pursue Him with every breath I take. I dream that at the end of my days he would say to me, "Well done. Good and faithful servant."
And I guess, if I am honest, even if all of my other dreams do not come true, if the last one does, nothing else matters.
I dream of speaking publicly. I dream of sharing my heart and my God with other women and moms. I dream of being able to use the life experiences I have had to help other people. I dream of standing beside other women and encouraging them.
Its hard to share my dreams. In all honesty, I am a bit afraid to share that. Afraid that maybe I will never do any of those things and I will look silly for admitting them. I am afraid that maybe I will do those things and fail miserably. But I dream of other things too.
I dream that one day we will adopt a son. I dream one day we will bring a baby into our home that needs a family and that our lives will be forever changed by him.
I dream that our family will live in real community with those around us. I dream that our church friends can become more like our church family and we will not feel so alone some times. That we will be and look like the early church that gave and shared and sacrificed for one another.
I dream that my children will grow to know and serve the living God. I dream that they would follow Him all of their days. I dream that when my children think about their mother they will think about a woman who led them to Jesus and loved them with grace and compassion.
I dream that I will be a woman who brings good to her husband all the days of his life. I dream that I will love him and give to him more than he does to me. I dream that I would think about his welfare above my own. I dream that our marriage would defy all odds and look so different from the cultural norm.
I dream that I would love God and pursue Him with every breath I take. I dream that at the end of my days he would say to me, "Well done. Good and faithful servant."
And I guess, if I am honest, even if all of my other dreams do not come true, if the last one does, nothing else matters.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
What the future holds
I have been thinking about the things that I desire for my life. Lately my mind has been so occupied with the things that I forget to take in the moments. Many of the "things" are good, wonderful, excellent things, but when I turn my eyes upon those and focus on them instead of the Lord I am unhappy and discontent.
So today I want to say thank you to the Lord. Thank you for taking control of my life and comforting me even in the hard times. Thank you for leading me and directing my path.
From the first moments I can remember thinking about my future I always wanted to be a mom and wife. It was so strong and the desire was so real. I wondered if it would ever be. I worried that for some reason God would give me the exact opposite of every thing I desired. (I am not sure where that thought comes from). I thought I may never get married and therefore live my life as a single, christian spinster.
I remember when I was about 17 years old I was in a season of life where I was making tough decisions. (College, majors and etc.) I was really anxious and filled with so much doubt about what the future may hold. One day God spoke so clearly to me through the Bible. It was like he wrote this verse specifically for me. 1st John 4:16-18 And so we know and rely on the love that God has for us, God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (NIV) That verse brought so much peace to me. It reminded me that the God that I am trusting with the future loves me and cares for me.
That was almost 10 years ago. Over the past 10 years my dreams have come true. I was blessed to marry a wonderful man and we were blessed with two beautiful children. Every day of the past 10 years was not easy. Everything did not happen the way I hoped or wished. But I am so thankful that God did not do everything my way. And I think back to the fears and worries I held onto 10 years ago and I want to go back and tell that young woman to trust. I want to tell her to let go of her fears and rely on God. He will take care of you. No matter what the future holds.
I want to tell that young woman that and yet today I find that same young woman alive and well in me. I find myself worrying and struggling to control the future. I find myself full of fear and thinking that the worst will be what comes about. Why is it so easy for me to forget? Why do I think that the God who controlled and comforted me in the past will abandon me in the future?
I would like to tell you that I will stop. I would like to say that I am full of faith and hope for the future. Sometimes I am. Some days are good. But some days I am still so full of fear and doubt. I cling to those fears and worries like a life raft. It is easier if I live one moment at a time. So in this moment, I am thankful. I am content. I am trusting. I am hoping. I am believing. I am praising my creator and clinging to Him. And in those moments He reminds me that even while I cling to my false life savers he holds me and leads me. He is faithful even when I am not. I am relying on His love.
So today I want to say thank you to the Lord. Thank you for taking control of my life and comforting me even in the hard times. Thank you for leading me and directing my path.
From the first moments I can remember thinking about my future I always wanted to be a mom and wife. It was so strong and the desire was so real. I wondered if it would ever be. I worried that for some reason God would give me the exact opposite of every thing I desired. (I am not sure where that thought comes from). I thought I may never get married and therefore live my life as a single, christian spinster.
I remember when I was about 17 years old I was in a season of life where I was making tough decisions. (College, majors and etc.) I was really anxious and filled with so much doubt about what the future may hold. One day God spoke so clearly to me through the Bible. It was like he wrote this verse specifically for me. 1st John 4:16-18 And so we know and rely on the love that God has for us, God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (NIV) That verse brought so much peace to me. It reminded me that the God that I am trusting with the future loves me and cares for me.
That was almost 10 years ago. Over the past 10 years my dreams have come true. I was blessed to marry a wonderful man and we were blessed with two beautiful children. Every day of the past 10 years was not easy. Everything did not happen the way I hoped or wished. But I am so thankful that God did not do everything my way. And I think back to the fears and worries I held onto 10 years ago and I want to go back and tell that young woman to trust. I want to tell her to let go of her fears and rely on God. He will take care of you. No matter what the future holds.
I want to tell that young woman that and yet today I find that same young woman alive and well in me. I find myself worrying and struggling to control the future. I find myself full of fear and thinking that the worst will be what comes about. Why is it so easy for me to forget? Why do I think that the God who controlled and comforted me in the past will abandon me in the future?
I would like to tell you that I will stop. I would like to say that I am full of faith and hope for the future. Sometimes I am. Some days are good. But some days I am still so full of fear and doubt. I cling to those fears and worries like a life raft. It is easier if I live one moment at a time. So in this moment, I am thankful. I am content. I am trusting. I am hoping. I am believing. I am praising my creator and clinging to Him. And in those moments He reminds me that even while I cling to my false life savers he holds me and leads me. He is faithful even when I am not. I am relying on His love.
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