Lead Me

The following are lyrics to a song.

The video can be seen at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLr6G8Xy5uc&ob=av2n

Sanctus Real- Lead Me

I look around and see my wonderful life

Almost perfect from the outside

In picture frames I see my beautiful wife

Always smiling

But on the inside, I can hear her saying

"Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, what about us?"

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone.

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes

They're just children from the outside

I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine

They're independent

But on the inside, I can hear them

"Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, what about us?"

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone."

So Father, give me the strength

To be everything I am called to be

Oh, Father, show me the way

To lead them

Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands

To stand up when they can't

Don't want to leave them hungry for love

Chasing dreams that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight

And give them the best of my life

So we can call this out home

Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

When I hear that song it makes me cry. I cry because I see so many families broken. I see so many men who are too busy chasing their own desires and their own dreams to see that their families are hurting and need them. I see men who would rather spend their nights drinking and partying than home with wives who are desperate for them. I see men who are so busy building their careers that they never make time to spend with their kids. I cry.

But I have hope. There are some men who are crying out to lead.

I have one. I have a man who works 9-10 hour days but comes home in time for dinner. I can tell from the look in his eyes that the one thing he would love would be a hot shower and to sit on the couch and do nothing. But he comes home and gets on the floor and plays with our babies. He builds blocks or becomes a human trampoline. He doesn't always want to. But he does it. He puts aside his own desires and does what we need. My man dreams big dreams. He has goals and desires. But he always surrenders his plans to what God wants for our family. He does not forge ahead like he is the only one. He leads us. He is so eager to follow the voice of God. And many times it means the things he loves get put a little on the back burner. I am proud to be lead by Him. I am thankful that he cares enough to do it.

Adoption Update

So many people have been asking us about how the adoption is going. I have been telling some and giving the short version to most, but here is where we are.

We have started our home study and I am hoping it will be complete sometime in December. Now because it is Christmas time realistically thinking it will probably be somewhere in January. I was super nervous about beginning the home study process. I dissected myself and questioned and worried. We finally met our social worker and right away I felt peace. She is the sweetest lady and helped put our fears at ease. She seemed so genuine and so willing to work with our family towards what God wants.

We have begun the process of filling out paperwork with our agency. The agency that will be placing the baby is separate from our home study agency. There is an overwhelming amount of things we need to fill out and paperwork we need to gather. There is nothing private when you are applying to adopt. Everything in your life is open to questioning. It can feel a bit overwhelming and I have to trust that God will help us get everything done in the right timing.

There are so many things that I am learning during this process. I will eventually share many of them. Some I may keep private. But one thing I am learning more and more is that I need to do what God says.

Phillipians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

More and more I have questions and more I more I have doubts and fears. This is all a new process to us. And as with any new thing in life we can be afraid at times. But I know what I know. I know God lead us here. And I know he will provide. And of that I am certain.

Life Interupted

So I was making dinner this evening and running around doing five thousand other things when a little two year old voice interupted my thinking. From the couch she said, "Mommy, can you sit next to me?" I almost told her the truth. I almost said that I had so many things to do and needed to hurry and prepare dinner so we can eat before our company arrives. I almost explained how the dishes still needed to be cleaned and put away. I almost did. But the cuteness of the little voice made me say, "Yes."

So I sat next to her. We sat for less than five minutes. I "read" two books. I say "read" because my two year old does not really sit still long enough to read many books. So we looked at pictures. And then I kissed her and then I finished my five thousand things.

It was really simple. But it was a sweet moment.

I pray that I will always make time to sit next to her. She won't remember the meal we had, or the that the dishes were clean. She will remember if mom was always too busy to be with her. I am sad that my life is interupted by dishes and meals.

Random thought

So I was thinking why is it that as moms whenever we say we need a break or are feeling worn out we qualify it by saying, "I love my kids, but"? Can't we just assume that everyone knows we love our kids. Unless I see you grossly neglecting your kids, I assume you are pretty crazy about them. Why do I think that the moment I utter the words, "I am tired, or I need a break" someone will think I am a bad mom? Can we just be free to admit the truth sometimes without feeling like we will be judged? Because the reality is if you are being a good mom you will get tired. If you are a good mom you cook, clean, shuttle, dress, bathe, cook, clean, shuttle, cuddle, read to, discipline, read to, hug, kiss, cook, clean, hug, kiss, play with, read to, hug, kiss and bed children all day long. If you are human and a good mom you will naturally get tired. So I am going to try and stop qualifying my statements and just let them stand. I think you can assume I love my kids right?

By the way. I could really use like 4 hours where no one touches, talks to, looks at or needs me.

Thanks

I have written something like this before. I actually stole the idea from a blogger friend. But while I was going into the basement to wash a load of laundry (same load for the second time) I had a little sigh at the vast amount of dirty clothes that were waiting to be washed. And then I stopped and said thanks. So here goes.

1. I am thankful for the mounds of dirty clothes because it means my family has clothing and can stay warm.

2. I am thankful for the dirty dishes in the sink because it means my family has eaten.

3. I am thankful for the toys that are scattered throughout the house because it means I am blessed with children who are healthy enough to run into every corner.

4. I am thankful that we are waiting for our son because it means we have time and will meet him one day.

5. I am thankful that I have a messy home because it means I have a home.

6. I am thankful that I miss my very best friend because it means I am blessed to have a friend.

7. I am thankful that I have to end this blog because I have a little girl who is asking for help because it means I have been blessed to care for this little girl.

What are you thankful for today?

Restless

My soul is restless. Now that we have the money to begin the adoption I just want to have him home. I have bittersweet feelings. My best friend is pregnant and while talking the other day she and Heather figure out that our baby and hers will probably be pretty close in age. This made me smile and made me sad. I smile because it will be fun to share a child of the same age with her again. My three year old is only a few months younger than her child. And it will be neat to watch them play together. But I was also sad. Sad because I thought about the ramifications. My best friend is enjoying her pregnancy and growing this baby. Somewhere in a country far away a woman is pregnant. She is carrying a child. She is probably filled with joy and anxiousness and all the other feelings a pregnant momma has. But she will not get to be his momma. She will not get to see him take his first steps or say his first word. She will not teach him to read or write or hold him close when he wakes with a bad dream. And although I will never meet her or speak with her our hearts are knit together. She and I will share a love for a little baby boy. A love that only her and I will ever understand. And somehow I wish it did not have to be this way. But I will be so grateful and so happy to be his mommy. And I will never forget the feelings that I have when thinking about her loss and the loss that our little boy will suffer. It is heartbreaking. So my soul continues to be restless. Restless and hurting and longing for the day when I can finally see his face and hold him in my arms. My only comfort comes in knowing that long ago God prepared us to be his family. He prepared us to be there when she could not. And I find my only peace in knowing this is what he has planned for our family.

Garage Sale

The garage sale is over. We made over $5,000.00 and I learned a few things in this process. Some things I already knew, but was reminded of once more. Here they are:

1. God is incredibly faithful!

We asked God to provide us with $5,000.00. We prayed and waited and did not try to manipulate the situation. And He provided. Not only did He provide the money we needed but everything surrounding the whole sale was orchestrated perfectly. Each day we recieved phone calls or emails from people donating stuff. It was never more than we could handle in a single day. It was always at perfect timing. He orchestrated every detail!

2. We have an incredible support group!

Thursday evening about 10 people came to our house to help set up and get this thing organized. I did not ask anyone. People simply found out what we were doing and asked when they could come over. Friday morning 9 people showed up to help. My parents, Todds mom, Todds and dad and stepmom, my brother and his fiance, my best friend, and our dear friend Kathy. My brothers fiance spent the entire day tirelessly watching our kids. There was not one moment the entire day that people were not there shopping. I had no time to even sit and definitely could not have watched the kids on my own. My mom cleaned my kitchen like a dozen times in the three days. People were running here and there and offering to help in anyway they could. My dad went to buy lunch for everyone because when I planned lunch I was only planning for a couple people. My brother was a champion at organizing. I never even realized he was so good at sorting kids clothing! But he brought order and made the sale much smoother. Todds mom worked tirelessly both days and did anything we needed. She even took the dog for a walk one day because the dog was causing chaos. Todds dad and stepmom worked early and late and on Saturday took our kids away for a fun date. They were so sick of the yard sale! My dear friend Kathy did anything needed including taking a table to a strangers house because it would not fit in the car. My best friend showed up early and stayed late even though she is pregnant and had to work each day. Todds brother and sister inlaw came and carried boxes and sorted clothing and helped us get prepped. This is only the people who helped at the sale. So many friends and family donated stuff and money! I was moved to tears like 100 times in that week. We are so blessed and could never repay any of you for your generosity and sacrifice! We love you.





3. Adoption is so beautiful!

Throughout the sale I heard story after story of families who came to shop who had either adopted children of their own or were adopted as children. Adoption is such a beautiful thing and the stories I heard are treasured in my heart. One woman came to shop with two teenage boys. After talking with her she explained that she had adopted the two boys when they were toddlers. After the family left, the two teenage boys came back and donated a tv and computer and a few other items for us to sell. They were touched by our need and gave to us from hearts of thankfulness.






Thank you Lord for providing! And thank-you to everyone who gave stuff, money or time! We are so grateful for your support!